ClubFloyd Transcript:
Adventurers Consumer Guide by Øyvind Thorsby
As played on ifMUD on September 25, 2010

The idea behind ClubFloyd is that each week at a pre-arranged time, a group of people meet online to cooperatively play a game of interactive fiction.

Below is a transcript of Adventurers Consumer Guide, written by Øyvind Thorsby. Adventurers Consumer Guide was originally released in 2007. You can learn more about the game, including how to download it, by visiting the ifWiki.

WARNING! Below you will find a transcript of people playing this game, and it goes without saying that the transcript is full of spoilers. So, if you've never played this game, and think you might like to at some point, I do not recommend reading any further. Instead, you might want to return to the interactive fiction page.

Floyd | Welcome to the Cheap Glk Implementation, library version 0.9.0.
Floyd |
Floyd |
Floyd | Adventurer's Consumer Guide
Floyd | You are a product tester for the Adventurer's Consumer Guide, a
Floyd | magazine that reviews all sorts of equipment an adventurer might need
Floyd | for his adventures. Your magazine is highly respected because of the
Floyd | thorough tests you put the equipment through. The tests aren't just
Floyd | done at the magazine's offices. No, the product testers go on actual
Floyd | adventures to test the equipment out in the field. Sometimes you kill
Floyd | an evil overlord; sometimes you rescue a fair maiden. Most of the time,
Floyd | like today, you just go out looking for a treasure in Treasure Cave
Floyd | Mountain, a perfect place for adventures as it contains plenty of
Floyd | caves, treasures, monsters and traps.
Floyd |
Floyd | As you are putting on the soon-to-be-tested magical coat, magical ring
Floyd | and magical helmet, your editor says, "On this mission you'll be having
Floyd | a helper with you."
Floyd | "Really?" you say. You usually work alone.
Floyd | "Yeah, but it's part of a test. See, there's this new agency that is
Floyd | renting out sidekicks. We are going to write a review about it. Oh,
Floyd | here he is now."
Floyd | Into your office walks a goblin: a green humanoid creature with pointy
Floyd | ears, about a meter tall. "Hi, you must be my new boss," he says to
Floyd | you.
Floyd | "I guess I am. What is it you're supposed to do, exactly?"
Floyd | "Well, I'm very brave and helpful, plus I'm a ferocious killing
Floyd | machine. If you see any kind of monster, or anything at all, and you
Floyd | want it killed, just tell me, and it's toast."
Floyd | "Okay... well, I think we should get going."
Floyd |
Floyd | You and your new companion are off to Treasure Cave Mountain. Your
Floyd | mission is to return with one really big treasure. Any really big
Floyd | treasure.
Floyd |
Floyd | If you are unfamiliar with interactive fiction, type HELP.
Floyd | If you care, type CREDITS.
Floyd | In this game you can't examine things. Instead use either "look" to see
Floyd | descriptions of the things in the room you are in, or "inventory" to
Floyd | see descriptions of what you are carrying. You also can't use "look
Floyd | inside", "look under", "look behind", "look <direction>" or "search".
Floyd | But you can use "read".
Floyd | To see your inventory without the long descriptions of all you are
Floyd | carrying, type: "inventory short". Or simply: "i s". Or simply: "is".
Floyd | No time passes when you use "look" or "inventory".
Floyd | You communicate by "talk to [whatever]", or by giving commands in this
Floyd | format: "goblin, give me the cow-o-meter".
Floyd | It is possible to put this game in an unwinnable state, but you should
Floyd | be able to figure out when this has happened.
Floyd | Should you wish to re-read the above information during the game, type
Floyd | ABOUT.
Floyd |
Floyd | Release 1 / Serial number 070501 / Inform v6.30 Library 6/11 S
Floyd |
Floyd | On a mountain ledge
Floyd | A narrow mountain ledge leading west (where you came from) and east. To
Floyd | the north is a tall mountain wall and to the south a long drop.
Floyd | Very far to the east, near the end of the ledge, a huge monster is
Floyd | crouching. Its green skin is scaly, its body is bloated like a balloon,
Floyd | its four feet have long terrible claws, its wide mouth has thousands of
Floyd | sharp teeth and on top of its head is a cluster of about fifty bulging
Floyd | eyes as big as your head.
Floyd |
Floyd | You can see the goblin sidekick here.
Floyd |

Floyd | >Before you have a chance to say anything you get a nasty electric
Floyd | shock from your helmet. You hear a calm pleasant female voice in your
Floyd | head: "It wouldn't be very heroic to ask somebody else to do your
Floyd | fighting for you."
Floyd |

Floyd | >The new magical sword from Adventurer's Emporium. According to the
Floyd | commercial it will start to vibrate when you are close to danger.
Floyd | A mail-ordered short metal staff with a clear orb on the end. Its
Floyd | manufacturers say the staff will remove any creature that comes in
Floyd | contact with the orb. Inside the orb you can see a small unmoving
Floyd | cluster of turquoise tentacles.
Floyd | A Remmingheim Supreme crossbow, loaded with an arrow. The Supreme model
Floyd | is supposed to have a special feature. When you shoot it, the arrow
Floyd | will magically return, and the crossbow will be loaded again. The hard,
Floyd | razor-sharp arrow is protruding a good ten centimeters from the front
Floyd | of the crossbow.
Floyd | "The Ultimate Creature Manual" by Arthur Hippoman. According to the
Floyd | back it contains information about every single monster in the world,
Floyd | and how to defend yourself against them. It is suspiciously thin.
Floyd | A small cage. It is closed and locked with a code-lock (You know the
Floyd | code.). A gremlin, a small green humanoid creature with pointy ears, is
Floyd | trapped inside. He is wearing a tiny ring. He is smoking a tiny
Floyd | cigarette. His thin arms are sticking through the bars of the cage, and
Floyd | he is fiddling with the code-lock, trying one combination at a time.
Floyd |
Floyd | You are wearing:
Floyd | A Hustlespleen & Poe Coat of Invisibility, though at the moment it
Floyd | looks like an ordinary, long, brown, coat. It is supposed to turn
Floyd | invisible (or turn visible again) whenever you say the magic word
Floyd | "tango".
Floyd | A Super Champion Helmet fastened with a strap under your chin. It is
Floyd | round and made of thin metal. It is supposed to magically turn you into
Floyd | a hero.
Floyd | On your finger is a Snuffelburg & Co. Type F Magical Ring. It is red
Floyd | and golden. It is supposed to protect you from any magical rays, by
Floyd | moving the effect of the ray away from you and onto the gremlin, which
Floyd | is wearing a smaller, magically connected, ring.
Floyd | A pair of red boxer shorts, decorated with tiny teddy-bears dressed as
Floyd | sailors. They are not something you are supposed to test; they are your
Floyd | own.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | On a mountain ledge
Floyd | A narrow mountain ledge leading west (where you came from) and east. To
Floyd | the north is a tall mountain wall and to the south a long drop.
Floyd | Very far to the east, near the end of the ledge, a huge monster is
Floyd | crouching. Its green skin is scaly, its body is bloated like a balloon,
Floyd | its four feet have long terrible claws, its wide mouth has thousands of
Floyd | sharp teeth and on top of its head is a cluster of about fifty bulging
Floyd | eyes as big as your head.
Floyd |
Floyd | You can see the goblin sidekick here.
Floyd |

Floyd | >(the goblin sidekick)
Floyd | Before you have a chance to do it, you get a nasty electrical shock
Floyd | from your helmet. You hear a calm pleasant female voice in your head:
Floyd | "It wouldn't be very heroic to go around shooting creatures."
Floyd |

Floyd | >In this game you can't examine things. Instead use either "look" to
Floyd | see descriptions of the things in the room you are in, or "inventory"
Floyd | to see descriptions of what you are carrying. You also can't use "look
Floyd | inside", "look under", "look behind", "look <direction>" or "search".
Floyd | But you can use "read".
Floyd |

Floyd | >You try to remove the helmet, but it is stuck. The strap under your
Floyd | chin is too tight.
Floyd |

Floyd | >You cut the strap with the arrow, and pull off the helmet.
Floyd |
Floyd | [Your score has just gone up by one point.]
Floyd |

Floyd | >(the goblin sidekick)
Floyd | You pull the trigger. The arrow magically returns to the crossbow and
Floyd | the crossbow is loaded again. Huh? That happened fast. The arrow did
Floyd | not even have time to leave the crossbow entirely! In fact, it barely
Floyd | moved!
Floyd |

Floyd | >You must say what page to read, like "read page 1" or "read 1"
Floyd |

Floyd | >You can't just load something. You have to have some kind of
Floyd | ammunition.
Floyd |

Floyd | >On the front is a badly drawn picture of three monsters running away
Floyd | from a man who is holding a copy of the book over his head.
Floyd |

Floyd | >So, you have spotted a monster. How many legs does it have?
Floyd | None: read page 3
Floyd | One: read page 35
Floyd | Two: read page 36
Floyd | Three: read page 62
Floyd | Four: read page 63
Floyd | Six: read page 86
Floyd | Eight: read page 87
Floyd | Forty eight billion and five: read page 90
Floyd | It varies: read page 91
Floyd |

Floyd | >Does it have hooves?
Floyd | Yes: read page 64
Floyd | No: read page 72
Floyd |

Floyd | >Is it hairy?
Floyd | Yes: read page 73
Floyd | No: read page 79
Floyd |

Floyd | >Does it have large bulging eyes?
Floyd | No: read page 80
Floyd | Yes: read page 81
Floyd |

Floyd | >Is it green?
Floyd | No: read page 82
Floyd | Yes: read page 83
Floyd |

Floyd | >Does it have a wide mouth?
Floyd | No: read page 84
Floyd | Yes: read page 85
Floyd |

Floyd | >Oh, it's just a frog then. Nothing to worry about.
Floyd |

Floyd | >In this game you can't examine things. Instead use either "look" to
Floyd | see descriptions of the things in the room you are in, or "inventory"
Floyd | to see descriptions of what you are carrying. You also can't use "look
Floyd | inside", "look under", "look behind", "look <direction>" or "search".
Floyd | But you can use "read".
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | On a mountain ledge
Floyd | A narrow mountain ledge leading west (where you came from) and east. To
Floyd | the north is a tall mountain wall and to the south a long drop.
Floyd | Very far to the east, near the end of the ledge, a huge monster is
Floyd | crouching. Its green skin is scaly, its body is bloated like a balloon,
Floyd | its four feet have long terrible claws, its wide mouth has thousands of
Floyd | sharp teeth and on top of its head is a cluster of about fifty bulging
Floyd | eyes as big as your head.
Floyd |
Floyd | You can see the goblin sidekick here.
Floyd |

Floyd | >"We aren't close enough boss!"
Floyd |

Floyd | >"We aren't close enough boss!"
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | On a mountain ledge
Floyd | A narrow mountain ledge leading west and east.
Floyd | Quite far to the east, near the end of the ledge, a huge monster is
Floyd | crouching. Its green skin is scaly, its body is bloated like a balloon,
Floyd | its four feet have long terrible claws, its wide mouth has thousands of
Floyd | sharp teeth and on top of its head is a cluster of about fifty bulging
Floyd | eyes as big as your head.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |
Floyd | The sword starts vibrating ever so slightly.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | On a mountain ledge
Floyd | A narrow mountain ledge leading west and east.
Floyd | Some distance to the east, near the end of the ledge, a huge monster is
Floyd | crouching. Its green skin is scaly, its body is bloated like a balloon,
Floyd | its four feet have long terrible claws, its wide mouth has thousands of
Floyd | sharp teeth and on top of its head is a cluster of about fifty bulging
Floyd | eyes as big as your head.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |
Floyd | The sword starts shaking quite a lot.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | On a mountain ledge
Floyd | A narrow mountain ledge leading west and east.
Floyd | Not all that far to the east, near the end of the ledge, a huge monster
Floyd | is crouching. Its green skin is scaly, its body is bloated like a
Floyd | balloon, its four feet have long terrible claws, its wide mouth has
Floyd | thousands of sharp teeth and on top of its head is a cluster of about
Floyd | fifty bulging eyes as big as your head.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |
Floyd | The sword starts shaking like crazy.
Floyd |
Floyd | You have a hard time holding on to the sword, and you have to struggle
Floyd | to keep from slashing yourself.
Floyd |

Floyd | >"We aren't close enough boss!"
Floyd |
Floyd | You have a hard time holding on to the sword, and you have to struggle
Floyd | to keep from slashing yourself.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | On a mountain ledge
Floyd | The end of a narrow mountain ledge leading west. The tall mountain wall
Floyd | has three caves: to the northwest, north and northeast.
Floyd | A huge monster is crouching on the ledge. Its green skin is scaly, its
Floyd | body is bloated like a balloon, its four feet have long terrible claws,
Floyd | its wide mouth has thousands of sharp teeth and on top of its head is a
Floyd | cluster of about fifty bulging eyes as big as your head.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |
Floyd | The sword goes even crazier and starts thrashing like a headless
Floyd | chicken on drugs.
Floyd |
Floyd | Unable to control the sword, you are slashed into little pieces.
Floyd |
Floyd |     *** You have pulled the plug. ***
Floyd |
Floyd |
Floyd | In that game you scored 1 out of a possible 100, in 24 turns. You get
Floyd | reincarnated as a germ, living in the left pinky toe of Else Mogen, a
Floyd | neurotic hairdresser from Copenhagen.
Floyd | Would you like to RESTART, RESTORE a saved game, UNDO your last move or
Floyd | QUIT?

Floyd | > On a mountain ledge
Floyd | [Previous turn undone.]
Floyd |

Floyd | >Dropped.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | On a mountain ledge
Floyd | The end of a narrow mountain ledge leading west. The tall mountain wall
Floyd | has three caves: to the northwest, north and northeast.
Floyd | A huge monster is crouching on the ledge. Its green skin is scaly, its
Floyd | body is bloated like a balloon, its four feet have long terrible claws,
Floyd | its wide mouth has thousands of sharp teeth and on top of its head is a
Floyd | cluster of about fifty bulging eyes as big as your head.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |
Floyd | All the eyes of the green monster swivel round and stare at the goblin.
Floyd |

Floyd | >The goblin throws himself at the monster. The monster opens its jaws
Floyd | and lunges forward. The mouth closes around the goblin. You hear some
Floyd | muffled goblin screams from within the monster's head. Just when you
Floyd | think your sidekick's career came to very early stop, the monster
Floyd | sneezes and the green guy comes shooting out of the monster's nostril
Floyd | and lands in a heap. Confused he shakes his head and mutters, "Sorry
Floyd | boss."
Floyd |
Floyd | The green monster roars.
Floyd |

Floyd | >A staff (with tentacles)
Floyd | A Supreme crossbow (loaded)
Floyd | A manual
Floyd | A cage (with a gremlin) (closed and locked)
Floyd | A helmet
Floyd |
Floyd | You are wearing:
Floyd | A coat (visible)
Floyd | A ring
Floyd | Boxer shorts.
Floyd |

Floyd | >The goblin throws himself at the monster. The monster opens its jaws
Floyd | and lunges forward. The mouth closes around the goblin. You hear some
Floyd | muffled goblin screams from within the monster's head. Just when you
Floyd | think your sidekick's career came to very early stop, the monster
Floyd | sneezes and the green guy comes shooting out of the monster's nostril
Floyd | and lands in a heap. Confused he shakes his head and mutters, "Sorry
Floyd | boss."
Floyd |
Floyd | The green monster's tongue shoots out towards your legs, but you manage
Floyd | to jump to the side.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | On a mountain ledge
Floyd | A narrow mountain ledge leading west and east.
Floyd | Not all that far to the east, near the end of the ledge, a huge monster
Floyd | is crouching. Its green skin is scaly, its body is bloated like a
Floyd | balloon, its four feet have long terrible claws, its wide mouth has
Floyd | thousands of sharp teeth and on top of its head is a cluster of about
Floyd | fifty bulging eyes as big as your head.
Floyd |
Floyd | The new magical sword from Adventurer's Emporium is here. According to
Floyd | the commercial it will start to vibrate when you are close to danger.
Floyd | It is shaking like crazy.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |

Floyd | >Taken.
Floyd |
Floyd | You have a hard time holding on to the sword, and you have to struggle
Floyd | to keep from slashing yourself.
Floyd |

Floyd | >(the goblin sidekick)
Floyd | The goblin says, "No thanks. Carrying around a vibrating sword sounds
Floyd | kind of dangerous."
Floyd |
Floyd | You have a hard time holding on to the sword, and you have to struggle
Floyd | to keep from slashing yourself.
Floyd |

Floyd | >(the goblin sidekick)
Floyd | "What should I do now?" you ask.
Floyd | "I think we must deal with that monster, boss. How bout you hit it with
Floyd | the staff?"
Floyd |
Floyd | You have a hard time holding on to the sword, and you have to struggle
Floyd | to keep from slashing yourself.
Floyd |

Floyd | >The new magical sword from Adventurer's Emporium. According to the
Floyd | commercial it will start to vibrate when you are close to danger. It is
Floyd | shaking like crazy, and you can barely hold on to it or prevent it from
Floyd | cutting yourself.
Floyd | A mail-ordered short metal staff with a clear orb on the end. Its
Floyd | manufacturers say the staff will remove any creature that comes in
Floyd | contact with the orb. Inside the orb you can see a small unmoving
Floyd | cluster of turquoise tentacles.
Floyd | A Remmingheim Supreme crossbow, loaded with an arrow. The Supreme model
Floyd | is supposed to have a special feature. When you shoot it, the arrow
Floyd | will magically return, and the crossbow will be loaded again. The hard,
Floyd | razor-sharp arrow is protruding a good ten centimeters from the front
Floyd | of the crossbow.
Floyd | "The Ultimate Creature Manual" by Arthur Hippoman. According to the
Floyd | back it contains information about every single monster in the world,
Floyd | and how to defend yourself against them. It is suspiciously thin.
Floyd | A small cage. It is closed and locked with a code-lock (You know the
Floyd | code.). A gremlin, a small green humanoid creature with pointy ears, is
Floyd | trapped inside. He is wearing a tiny ring. He is smoking a tiny
Floyd | cigarette. His thin arms are sticking through the bars of the cage, and
Floyd | he is fiddling with the code-lock, trying one combination at a time.
Floyd | A Super Champion Helmet. It is round and made of thin metal. It was
Floyd | supposed to magically turn you into a hero.
Floyd |
Floyd | You are wearing:
Floyd | A Hustlespleen & Poe Coat of Invisibility, though at the moment it
Floyd | looks like an ordinary, long, brown, coat. It is supposed to turn
Floyd | invisible (or turn visible again) whenever you say the magic word
Floyd | "tango".
Floyd | On your finger is a Snuffelburg & Co. Type F Magical Ring. It is red
Floyd | and golden. It is supposed to protect you from any magical rays, by
Floyd | moving the effect of the ray away from you and onto the gremlin, which
Floyd | is wearing a smaller, magically connected, ring.
Floyd | A pair of red boxer shorts, decorated with tiny teddy-bears dressed as
Floyd | sailors. They are not something you are supposed to test; they are your
Floyd | own.
Floyd |

Floyd | >You can only do that to something animate.
Floyd |

Floyd | >Dropped.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | On a mountain ledge
Floyd | The end of a narrow mountain ledge leading west. The tall mountain wall
Floyd | has three caves: to the northwest, north and northeast.
Floyd | A huge monster is crouching on the ledge. Its green skin is scaly, its
Floyd | body is bloated like a balloon, its four feet have long terrible claws,
Floyd | its wide mouth has thousands of sharp teeth and on top of its head is a
Floyd | cluster of about fifty bulging eyes as big as your head.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |
Floyd | The green monster roars.
Floyd |

Floyd | >You pull the trigger. The arrow magically returns to the crossbow and
Floyd | the crossbow is loaded again. Huh? That happened fast. The arrow did
Floyd | not even have time to leave the crossbow entirely! In fact, it barely
Floyd | moved!
Floyd |
Floyd | The green monster steps on the goblin. The poor goblin disappears
Floyd | completely beneath the huge foot. After a while the monster lifts the
Floyd | foot, while looking down as if to see if the goblin is dead. He isn't.
Floyd | Dazed, the goblin gets up, shakes his head, and takes some steps away
Floyd | from the monster.
Floyd |

Floyd | >The huge monster vanishes.
Floyd |
Floyd | A gigantic monster appears. It seems to consist entirely of many
Floyd | entwined writhing turquoise tentacles. There are no legs or arms or
Floyd | head. Each tentacle is as thick as a person and none seem to be shorter
Floyd | than five meters.
Floyd |
Floyd | You notice that the huge monster is inside the orb now, tiny and
Floyd | unmoving.
Floyd |
Floyd | A tentacle grabs one of the goblin's ears and lifts him from the
Floyd | ground. The goblin screams before the ear slides out of the tentacles
Floyd | grip, and he falls down.
Floyd |

Floyd | >The gigantic tentacle monster vanishes.
Floyd |
Floyd | The huge green monster appears.
Floyd |
Floyd | You notice that the gigantic tentacle monster is inside the orb now,
Floyd | tiny and unmoving.
Floyd |
Floyd | The green monster's tongue wraps itself around the waist of the goblin.
Floyd | The goblin is dragged kicking and screaming towards the monster's
Floyd | mouth. You manage to grab one of the goblin's arms and pull him loose
Floyd | from the tongue.
Floyd |

Floyd | >(the goblin sidekick with the staff)
Floyd | The goblin sidekick vanishes.
Floyd |
Floyd | A gigantic monster appears. It seems to consist entirely of many
Floyd | entwined writhing turquoise tentacles. There are no legs or arms or
Floyd | head. Each tentacle is as thick as a person and none seem to be shorter
Floyd | than five meters.
Floyd |
Floyd | You notice that the goblin sidekick is inside the orb now, tiny and
Floyd | unmoving.
Floyd |
Floyd | A tentacle grabs the tongue of the green monster and begins to pull.
Floyd | But the tongue pulls back, and the tentacle is dragged into the mouth
Floyd | of the green monster. The green monster bites off the end of the
Floyd | tentacle. The wounded tentacle, bleeding dark blue liquid, withdraws
Floyd | into the cluster of tentacles. The green monster chews on the tip of
Floyd | the tentacle for a while then swallows.
Floyd |
Floyd | The green monster swings one of its legs at a tentacle, but misses.
Floyd |

Floyd | >Time passes.
Floyd |
Floyd | A tentacle wraps around the green monster's head. The monster scratches
Floyd | the tentacle with its claws, and the tentacle withdraws.
Floyd |
Floyd | The green monster swings one of its legs at a tentacle, but misses.
Floyd |

Floyd | >Time passes.
Floyd |
Floyd | A tentacle grabs your arm, and you are pulled towards the cluster. You
Floyd | hit the tentacle and it lets go.
Floyd |
Floyd | The green monster tries to hit you with the claws of one foot, but you
Floyd | manage to step back just in time.
Floyd |

Floyd | >So, you have spotted a monster. How many legs does it have?
Floyd | None: read page 3
Floyd | One: read page 35
Floyd | Two: read page 36
Floyd | Three: read page 62
Floyd | Four: read page 63
Floyd | Six: read page 86
Floyd | Eight: read page 87
Floyd | Forty eight billion and five: read page 90
Floyd | It varies: read page 91
Floyd |
Floyd | A tentacle grabs you around your feet and lifts you up. You are hanging
Floyd | upside down. You wiggle your legs, until the tentacle lets go and you
Floyd | fall down.
Floyd |
Floyd | The green monster swings one of its legs at a tentacle, but misses.
Floyd |

Floyd | >Which of the following body parts does it have?
Floyd | Fins: read page 4
Floyd | Branches: read page 8
Floyd | Tentacles: read page 11
Floyd | Arms: read page 14
Floyd | None of the above: read page 29
Floyd |
Floyd | A tentacle grabs the tongue of the green monster and begins to pull.
Floyd | But the tongue pulls back, and the tentacle is dragged into the mouth
Floyd | of the green monster. The green monster bites off the end of the
Floyd | tentacle. The wounded tentacle, bleeding dark blue liquid, withdraws
Floyd | into the cluster of tentacles. The green monster chews on the tip of
Floyd | the tentacle for a while then swallows.
Floyd |
Floyd | The green monster tries to hit you with the claws of one foot, but you
Floyd | manage to step back just in time.
Floyd |

Floyd | >How many tentacles?
Floyd | Eight: read page 12
Floyd | Lots: Read page 13
Floyd |
Floyd | A tentacle grabs your arm, and you are pulled towards the cluster. You
Floyd | hit the tentacle and it lets go.
Floyd |
Floyd | The green monster lunges towards the tentacle monster, trying to bite
Floyd | it, but the tentacle monster wiggles back out of reach.
Floyd |

Floyd | >Pope's Delight:
Floyd | You'll need:
Floyd | 1 cup of water
Floyd | 2 cups of camel milk
Floyd | 1 handful of sugar
Floyd | 1 mouthful of flour
Floyd | 1 kilo of parrot spleens
Floyd | 1 otter, dead
Floyd | Some whiskey
Floyd |
Floyd | Mix all the incidences, except the otter and the whiskey, into a paste.
Floyd | Fry it in a pan for 20 minutes at full heat. Shave the otter and stuff
Floyd | it with the paste. Boil it until its nose falls off, then dip it in
Floyd | whiskey. Traditionally served with fried potatoes and donkey milk.
Floyd |
Floyd | The letters on this page are different from the rest of the book. You
Floyd | realize this page actually belongs in another book, and has been
Floyd | printed here by mistake.
Floyd |
Floyd | A tentacle plunges down towards your feet, but you manage to jump away
Floyd | from it.
Floyd |
Floyd | The green monster swings one of its legs at a tentacle, but misses.
Floyd |

Floyd | >There is not much you can do to stuff that is inside the orb.
Floyd |
Floyd | A tentacle hits one of the eyes of the green monster. The eye blinks.
Floyd |
Floyd | The green monster swings one of its legs at a tentacle, but misses.
Floyd |

Floyd | >"Tango!"
Floyd | The coat turns invisible. You on the other hand do not. The gremlin
Floyd | snickers at your boxer shorts.
Floyd |
Floyd | A tentacle plunges down towards your feet, but you manage to jump away
Floyd | from it.
Floyd |
Floyd | All the eyes of the green monster swivel round and stare at the
Floyd | tentacle monster.
Floyd |

Floyd | >"Tango!"
Floyd | The coat turns visible.
Floyd |
Floyd | A tentacle hits one of the eyes of the green monster. The eye blinks.
Floyd |
Floyd | The green monster tries to hit you with the claws of one foot, but you
Floyd | manage to step back just in time.
Floyd |

Floyd | >That's not a verb I recognise.
Floyd |

Floyd | >Suddenly everything looks slightly different.
Floyd |
Floyd | On a mountain ledge
Floyd | The end of a narrow mountain ledge leading west. The tall mountain wall
Floyd | has three caves: to the northwest, north and northeast.
Floyd | A huge monster is crouching on the ledge. Its green skin is scaly, its
Floyd | body is bloated like a balloon, its four feet have long terrible claws,
Floyd | its wide mouth has thousands of sharp teeth and on top of its head is a
Floyd | cluster of about fifty bulging eyes as big as your head.
Floyd |
Floyd | A mail-ordered short metal staff with a clear orb on the end lies here.
Floyd | Its manufacturers say the staff will remove any creature that comes in
Floyd | contact with the orb. Inside the orb you can see the goblin sidekick.
Floyd | He is now tiny and unmoving.
Floyd |
Floyd | A gigantic monster is here. It seem to consist entirely of a cluster of
Floyd | many entwined writhing turquoise tentacles. There are no legs or arms
Floyd | or head. Each tentacle is as thick as a person and none seem to be
Floyd | shorter than five meters.
Floyd |
Floyd | A tentacle grabs the tongue of the green monster and begins to pull.
Floyd | But the tongue pulls back, and the tentacle is dragged into the mouth
Floyd | of the green monster. The green monster bites off the end of the
Floyd | tentacle. The wounded tentacle, bleeding dark blue liquid, withdraws
Floyd | into the cluster of tentacles. The green monster chews on the tip of
Floyd | the tentacle for a while then swallows.
Floyd |
Floyd | The green monster roars.
Floyd |

Floyd | >There is not much you can do to stuff that is inside the orb.
Floyd |
Floyd | A tentacle plunges down towards your feet, but you manage to jump away
Floyd | from it.
Floyd |
Floyd | All the eyes of the green monster swivel round and stare at you.
Floyd |

Floyd | >"Who are you?" you ask, but the monster ignores you.
Floyd |
Floyd | A tentacle wraps around the green monster's head. The monster scratches
Floyd | the tentacle with its claws, and the tentacle withdraws.
Floyd |
Floyd | The green monster's tongue shoots out towards your head, but you duck.
Floyd |

Floyd | >You throw yourself against the monster. The monster smacks you with
Floyd | one of its legs, and you are slammed into the mountain wall.
Floyd |
Floyd | A tentacle plunges down towards your feet, but you manage to jump away
Floyd | from it.
Floyd |
Floyd | The green monster's tongue shoots out towards your head, but you duck.
Floyd |

Floyd | >A Supreme crossbow (loaded)
Floyd | A manual
Floyd | A cage (with a gremlin) (closed and locked)
Floyd | A helmet
Floyd |
Floyd | You are wearing:
Floyd | A coat (visible)
Floyd | A ring
Floyd | Boxer shorts.
Floyd |

Floyd | >A Remmingheim Supreme crossbow, loaded with an arrow. The Supreme
Floyd | model is supposed to have a special feature. When you shoot it, the
Floyd | arrow will magically return, and the crossbow will be loaded again. The
Floyd | hard, razor-sharp arrow is protruding a good ten centimeters from the
Floyd | front of the crossbow.
Floyd | "The Ultimate Creature Manual" by Arthur Hippoman. According to the
Floyd | back it contains information about every single monster in the world,
Floyd | and how to defend yourself against them. It is suspiciously thin.
Floyd | A small cage. It is closed and locked with a code-lock (You know the
Floyd | code.). A gremlin, a small green humanoid creature with pointy ears, is
Floyd | trapped inside. He is wearing a tiny ring. He is smoking a tiny
Floyd | cigarette. His thin arms are sticking through the bars of the cage, and
Floyd | he is fiddling with the code-lock, trying one combination at a time.
Floyd | A Super Champion Helmet. It is round and made of thin metal. It was
Floyd | supposed to magically turn you into a hero.
Floyd |
Floyd | You are wearing:
Floyd | A Hustlespleen & Poe Coat of Invisibility, though at the moment it
Floyd | looks like an ordinary, long, brown, coat. It is supposed to turn
Floyd | invisible (or turn visible again) whenever you say the magic word
Floyd | "tango".
Floyd | On your finger is a Snuffelburg & Co. Type F Magical Ring. It is red
Floyd | and golden. It is supposed to protect you from any magical rays, by
Floyd | moving the effect of the ray away from you and onto the gremlin, which
Floyd | is wearing a smaller, magically connected, ring.
Floyd | A pair of red boxer shorts, decorated with tiny teddy-bears dressed as
Floyd | sailors. They are not something you are supposed to test; they are your
Floyd | own.
Floyd |

Floyd | >You unlock the code-lock. The gremlin jumps out of the cage. Then he
Floyd | runs giggling into the northern cave. You sigh and throw away the cage.
Floyd | You have tried catching gremlins before, and you know you'll never be
Floyd | able to.
Floyd |
Floyd | A tentacle wraps around the green monster's head. The monster scratches
Floyd | the tentacle with its claws, and the tentacle withdraws.
Floyd |
Floyd | The green monster swings one of its legs at a tentacle, but misses.
Floyd |

Floyd | >On a mountain ledge
Floyd | [Previous turn undone.]
Floyd |

Floyd | >"Hey, how are you doing in there?" you ask.
Floyd | "I'm suffocating," the gremlin says. "Unless you let me out soon I'll
Floyd | die!"
Floyd |
Floyd | A tentacle grabs hold of one of the eyes of the green monster and
Floyd | begins to pull. The eye is pulled away from the eye cluster, but is
Floyd | still attached with what appears to be a pink rubbery string. The
Floyd | string gets stretched pretty far, and for a moment it seems as if it is
Floyd | going to break. Then the tentacle lets go and the eye snaps back into
Floyd | the cluster. The eyes wobble like jelly. Then they blink, and the green
Floyd | monster looks a bit confused.
Floyd |
Floyd | The green monster tries to hit you with the claws of one foot, but you
Floyd | manage to step back just in time.
Floyd |

Floyd | >You pull the trigger. The arrow magically returns to the crossbow and
Floyd | the crossbow is loaded again. Huh? That happened fast. The arrow did
Floyd | not even have time to leave the crossbow entirely! In fact, it barely
Floyd | moved!
Floyd |
Floyd | A tentacle grabs hold of one of the eyes of the green monster and
Floyd | begins to pull. The eye is pulled away from the eye cluster, but is
Floyd | still attached with what appears to be a pink rubbery string. The
Floyd | string gets stretched pretty far, and for a moment it seems as if it is
Floyd | going to break. Then the tentacle lets go and the eye snaps back into
Floyd | the cluster. The eyes wobble like jelly. Then they blink, and the green
Floyd | monster looks a bit confused.
Floyd |
Floyd | The green monster's tongue shoots out towards your legs, but you manage
Floyd | to jump to the side.
Floyd |
Floyd | >On the front is a badly drawn picture of three monsters running away
Floyd | from a man who is holding a copy of the book over his head.
Floyd |
Floyd | A tentacle grabs your arm, and you are pulled towards the cluster. You
Floyd | hit the tentacle and it lets go.
Floyd |
Floyd | The green monster stares at you and licks itself around the mouth. Then
Floyd | it opens its mouth wide, roars, and determinedly begins walking towards
Floyd | you. Uh-Oh!
Floyd |

Floyd | >A Remmingheim Supreme crossbow, loaded with an arrow. The Supreme
Floyd | model is supposed to have a special feature. When you shoot it, the
Floyd | arrow will magically return, and the crossbow will be loaded again. The
Floyd | hard, razor-sharp arrow is protruding a good ten centimeters from the
Floyd | front of the crossbow.
Floyd | "The Ultimate Creature Manual" by Arthur Hippoman. According to the
Floyd | back it contains information about every single monster in the world,
Floyd | and how to defend yourself against them. It is suspiciously thin.
Floyd | A small cage. It is closed and locked with a code-lock (You know the
Floyd | code.). A gremlin, a small green humanoid creature with pointy ears, is
Floyd | trapped inside. He is wearing a tiny ring. He is smoking a tiny
Floyd | cigarette. His thin arms are sticking through the bars of the cage, and
Floyd | he is fiddling with the code-lock, trying one combination at a time.
Floyd | A Super Champion Helmet. It is round and made of thin metal. It was
Floyd | supposed to magically turn you into a hero.
Floyd |
Floyd | You are wearing:
Floyd | A Hustlespleen & Poe Coat of Invisibility, though at the moment it
Floyd | looks like an ordinary, long, brown, coat. It is supposed to turn
Floyd | invisible (or turn visible again) whenever you say the magic word
Floyd | "tango".
Floyd | On your finger is a Snuffelburg & Co. Type F Magical Ring. It is red
Floyd | and golden. It is supposed to protect you from any magical rays, by
Floyd | moving the effect of the ray away from you and onto the gremlin, which
Floyd | is wearing a smaller, magically connected, ring.
Floyd | A pair of red boxer shorts, decorated with tiny teddy-bears dressed as
Floyd | sailors. They are not something you are supposed to test; they are your
Floyd | own.
Floyd |

Floyd | >As you are about to go, a tentacle wraps itself around one of your
Floyd | legs. You fall, and are pulled back. You manage to untangle your leg.
Floyd |
Floyd | A tentacle grabs the tongue of the green monster and begins to pull.
Floyd | But the tongue pulls back, and the tentacle is dragged into the mouth
Floyd | of the green monster. The green monster bites off the end of the
Floyd | tentacle. The wounded tentacle, bleeding dark blue liquid, withdraws
Floyd | into the cluster of tentacles. The green monster chews on the tip of
Floyd | the tentacle for a while then swallows.
Floyd |
Floyd | The green monster's tongue shoots out and wraps itself around your
Floyd | waist. You are pulled into the monster's mouth and chewed to little
Floyd | pieces.
Floyd |
Floyd |     *** You're passed on! You are no more! You have ceased to be!
Floyd | You're expired and gone to meet your maker! You're a stiff! Bereft of
Floyd | life, you rest in peace! If you weren't nailed to the perch you'd be
Floyd | pushing up the daisies! Your metabolic processes are now 'istory!
Floyd | You're off the twig! You're kicked the bucket, you're shuffled off your
Floyd | mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir
Floyd | invisible!! YOU ARE AN EX-PRODUCT TESTER!! ***
Floyd |
Floyd |
Floyd | In that game you scored 1 out of a possible 100, in 54 turns. You get
Floyd | reincarnated as a germ, living in the left pinky toe of Else Mogen, a
Floyd | neurotic hairdresser from Copenhagen.
Floyd | Would you like to RESTART, RESTORE a saved game, UNDO your last move or
Floyd | QUIT?

Floyd | > On a mountain ledge
Floyd | [Previous turn undone.]
Floyd |

Floyd | >As you are about to go, a tentacle wraps itself around one of your
Floyd | arms and pulls you back. You hit the tentacle with your free arm and it
Floyd | lets go.
Floyd |
Floyd | A tentacle grabs the tongue of the green monster and begins to pull.
Floyd | But the tongue pulls back, and the tentacle is dragged into the mouth
Floyd | of the green monster. The green monster bites off the end of the
Floyd | tentacle. The wounded tentacle, bleeding dark blue liquid, withdraws
Floyd | into the cluster of tentacles. The green monster chews on the tip of
Floyd | the tentacle for a while then swallows.
Floyd |
Floyd | The green monster's tongue shoots out and wraps itself around your
Floyd | waist. You are pulled into the monster's mouth and chewed to little
Floyd | pieces.
Floyd |
Floyd |     *** You sleep with the fishes. ***
Floyd |
Floyd |
Floyd | In that game you scored 1 out of a possible 100, in 54 turns. You get
Floyd | reincarnated as a germ, living in the left pinky toe of Else Mogen, a
Floyd | neurotic hairdresser from Copenhagen.
Floyd | Would you like to RESTART, RESTORE a saved game, UNDO your last move or
Floyd | QUIT?

Floyd | > On a mountain ledge
Floyd | [Previous turn undone.]
Floyd |
Floyd | >On a mountain ledge
Floyd | [Previous turn undone.]
Floyd |

Floyd | >As you are about to go, a tentacle wraps itself around one of your
Floyd | arms and pulls you back. You hit the tentacle with your free arm and it
Floyd | lets go.
Floyd |
Floyd | A tentacle grabs hold of one of the eyes of the green monster and
Floyd | begins to pull. The eye is pulled away from the eye cluster, but is
Floyd | still attached with what appears to be a pink rubbery string. The
Floyd | string gets stretched pretty far, and for a moment it seems as if it is
Floyd | going to break. Then the tentacle lets go and the eye snaps back into
Floyd | the cluster. The eyes wobble like jelly. Then they blink, and the green
Floyd | monster looks a bit confused.
Floyd |
Floyd | The green monster's tongue shoots out and wraps itself around your
Floyd | waist. You are pulled into the monster's mouth and chewed to little
Floyd | pieces.
Floyd |
Floyd |     *** You have been terminated. ***
Floyd |
Floyd |
Floyd | In that game you scored 1 out of a possible 100, in 54 turns. You get
Floyd | reincarnated as a germ, living in the left pinky toe of Else Mogen, a
Floyd | neurotic hairdresser from Copenhagen.
Floyd | Would you like to RESTART, RESTORE a saved game, UNDO your last move or
Floyd | QUIT?

Floyd | > On a mountain ledge
Floyd | [Previous turn undone.]
Floyd |

Floyd | >First taking the staff.
Floyd | Taken.
Floyd | The huge monster vanishes.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin sidekick appears.
Floyd |
Floyd | You notice that the huge monster is inside the orb now, tiny and
Floyd | unmoving.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin says, "Gee boss, I am kind of confused about what just
Floyd | happened. But I saw you had become this tiny frozen figure inside the
Floyd | orb. I figured I had to try and rescue you, so I touched the orb. I
Floyd | don't know exactly what happened then, but now here you are."
Floyd |
Floyd | A tentacle chases the goblin around for a while.
Floyd |

Floyd | >The gigantic tentacle monster vanishes.
Floyd |
Floyd | The huge green monster appears.
Floyd |
Floyd | You notice that the gigantic tentacle monster is inside the orb now,
Floyd | tiny and unmoving.
Floyd |
Floyd | The green monster roars.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | On a mountain ledge
Floyd | A narrow mountain ledge leading west and east.
Floyd | Not all that far to the east, near the end of the ledge, a huge monster
Floyd | is crouching. Its green skin is scaly, its body is bloated like a
Floyd | balloon, its four feet have long terrible claws, its wide mouth has
Floyd | thousands of sharp teeth and on top of its head is a cluster of about
Floyd | fifty bulging eyes as big as your head.
Floyd |
Floyd | The new magical sword from Adventurer's Emporium is here. According to
Floyd | the commercial it will start to vibrate when you are close to danger.
Floyd | It is shaking like crazy.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |

Floyd | >Taken.
Floyd |
Floyd | You have a hard time holding on to the sword, and you have to struggle
Floyd | to keep from slashing yourself.
Floyd |

Floyd | >The monster is too far away.
Floyd |
Floyd | You have a hard time holding on to the sword, and you have to struggle
Floyd | to keep from slashing yourself.
Floyd |

Floyd | >You discover nothing of interest in the Creature Manual.
Floyd |

Floyd | >So, you have spotted a monster. How many legs does it have?
Floyd | None: read page 3
Floyd | One: read page 35
Floyd | Two: read page 36
Floyd | Three: read page 62
Floyd | Four: read page 63
Floyd | Six: read page 86
Floyd | Eight: read page 87
Floyd | Forty eight billion and five: read page 90
Floyd | It varies: read page 91
Floyd |
Floyd | You have a hard time holding on to the sword, and you have to struggle
Floyd | to keep from slashing yourself.
Floyd |

Floyd | >(the goblin sidekick)
Floyd | You give the Super Champion Helmet to the goblin.
Floyd |
Floyd | IMPORTANT NOTE: If you forget what items the goblin has, you can ask
Floyd | him with "Goblin, Inventory". This note will not be repeated.
Floyd |
Floyd | You have a hard time holding on to the sword, and you have to struggle
Floyd | to keep from slashing yourself.
Floyd |

Floyd | >"I don't need a helmet to be a hero."
Floyd |
Floyd | You have a hard time holding on to the sword, and you have to struggle
Floyd | to keep from slashing yourself.
Floyd |

Floyd | >Dropped.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | On a mountain ledge
Floyd | The end of a narrow mountain ledge leading west. The tall mountain wall
Floyd | has three caves: to the northwest, north and northeast.
Floyd | A huge monster is crouching on the ledge. Its green skin is scaly, its
Floyd | body is bloated like a balloon, its four feet have long terrible claws,
Floyd | its wide mouth has thousands of sharp teeth and on top of its head is a
Floyd | cluster of about fifty bulging eyes as big as your head.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |
Floyd | The green monster's tongue shoots out towards your head, but you duck.
Floyd |

Floyd | >You slam the crossbow, arrow first, into the monster's belly. The
Floyd | monster explodes like a balloon, leaving no remains. So not quite like
Floyd | a balloon then.
Floyd |
Floyd | [Your score has just gone up by five points.]
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | On a mountain ledge
Floyd | A narrow mountain ledge leading west and east.
Floyd |
Floyd | The new magical sword from Adventurer's Emporium is here. According to
Floyd | the commercial it will start to vibrate when you are close to danger.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |

Floyd | >Taken.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | On a mountain ledge
Floyd | The end of a narrow mountain ledge leading west. The tall mountain wall
Floyd | has three caves: to the northwest, north and northeast.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |
Floyd | The sword starts vibrating ever so slightly.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | Spacious cave
Floyd | This cave has an exit leading outside to the south, or you can go
Floyd | further into the mountain to the north.
Floyd | A burly barbarian is leaning against a wall, his arms crossed over his
Floyd | naked chest, a grim expression on his face. A long sabre is in his
Floyd | belt.
Floyd | A tough-looking dwarf, wearing chain mail and a helmet, is sitting on
Floyd | the floor. He is holding an axe almost as big as himself. He is smoking
Floyd | a pipe.
Floyd | A muscular white horse and a mangy donkey stand here.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |
Floyd | The sword starts shaking quite a lot.
Floyd |

Floyd | >(the barbarian)
Floyd | "What are you doing?" you ask.
Floyd | "Grirgr and the dwarf were sent to look for treasures. But Grirgr not
Floyd | stupid! He thinks, why risk our lives? So we wait here until somebody
Floyd | else finds treasure! Then we buy it!"
Floyd |

Floyd | >"So, been here long?" you say. The dwarf nods.
Floyd |

Floyd | >Dropped.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | Gigantic cave
Floyd | An extremely bright light comes from an exit to the north. There is
Floyd | also an exit to the south.
Floyd | A red automat, hundred of meters tall, stands in the middle of the
Floyd | cave. Despite the insane magnitude of the machine, its money-slot and
Floyd | buttons are normal-sized and placed at normal height. The
Floyd | merchandise-slot is also close to the floor, but huge enough to hold a
Floyd | horse. You have come across these automats before. Several companies
Floyd | have recently begun placing them in dangerous places, for adventurers
Floyd | who need equipment. They are easy to use; just buy something. Something
Floyd | is written on the automat next to the buttons.
Floyd | A stone altar stands up against a wall. It is low, shadowy,
Floyd | bloodstained and has runes written on it. Next to it is a huge pile of
Floyd | fish bones.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |

Floyd | >Adventurer's Emporium's Convenient Equipment Automat: for everything
Floyd | an adventurer needs.
Floyd |   30 gold coins     Wheelbarrow
Floyd |   35 gold coins     Umbrella
Floyd |   35 gold coins     Roller skates
Floyd |   35 gold coins     Pogo stick
Floyd |   35 gold coins     Giant rubber band
Floyd |   40 gold coins     Spell of summoning: Aardvark
Floyd |   40 gold coins     Spell of metamorphosis: Chicken
Floyd |   40 gold coins     Lie detector pants
Floyd |   40 gold coins     Magical bag of unlimited water balloons
Floyd |   50 gold coins     Spell of summoning: Lawyer
Floyd |   50 gold coins     Spell of metamorphosis: Giant Sloth
Floyd |   50 gold coins     King-size box of assorted fireworks
Floyd |   50 gold coins     Horse
Floyd | 100 gold coins     Platoon of miniature zombies
Floyd | 500 gold coins     Necronomicon
Floyd |

Floyd | >Never mind the pile of fish bones.
Floyd |

Floyd | >NO WAY!
Floyd |

Floyd | >At the top of the altar is a long string of small crudely drawn runes.
Floyd | The first depicts a large man punching a small man. The second a large
Floyd | man pushing a small man. The third a large man giving a small man a
Floyd | wedgie. There are many more with similar motifs. You have seen runes
Floyd | like this before. They mean that this is an altar of Snurgelfjekk, the
Floyd | cat-headed god of bullies. At the center of the altar is a larger, more
Floyd | detailed rune. It depicts the altar and two people. One of the people
Floyd | is playing a saxophone. The other is putting something on the altar;
Floyd | you can't quite make out what it is supposed to be. Lines are coming
Floyd | out in all directions from the altar, perhaps representing light or
Floyd | heat.
Floyd |

Floyd | >Enter saved game to store: Ok.
Floyd |

Floyd | >You try, but the bright light is too strong. It hurts your eyes.
Floyd |

Floyd | >Taken.
Floyd |

Floyd | >You can't make yourself put on the helmet again. It is just too
Floyd | idiotic.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | Spacious cave
Floyd | This cave has an exit leading outside to the south, or you can go
Floyd | further into the mountain to the north.
Floyd | A burly barbarian is leaning against a wall, his arms crossed over his
Floyd | naked chest, a grim expression on his face. A long sabre is in his
Floyd | belt.
Floyd | A tough-looking dwarf, wearing chain mail and a helmet, is sitting on
Floyd | the floor. He is holding an axe almost as big as himself. He is smoking
Floyd | a pipe.
Floyd | A muscular white horse and a mangy donkey stand here.
Floyd |
Floyd | The new magical sword from Adventurer's Emporium is here. According to
Floyd | the commercial it will start to vibrate when you are close to danger.
Floyd | It is shaking quite a lot.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |

Floyd | >Taken.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | On a mountain ledge
Floyd | The end of a narrow mountain ledge leading west. The tall mountain wall
Floyd | has three caves: to the northwest, north and northeast.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |
Floyd | The sword calms down, and is now only vibrating ever so slightly.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | Big cave
Floyd | This cave has an exit southeast to the outside, or you could go further
Floyd | into the mountain to the northwest.
Floyd | A somewhat larger than life-size statue of his holiness One-Hand Jack
Floyd | stands in the middle of the cave. Jack used to be an infamous pirate,
Floyd | but later formed Hoverism, a peaceful religion. The statue holds its
Floyd | left arm out and up, the hook at the end of it just low enough to be
Floyd | reached.
Floyd | An old Hoverist is hovering about a meter above the floor. He is
Floyd | sitting in the lotus position, his head is turned towards the statue,
Floyd | and his eyes are closed. He is wearing a white loincloth.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |
Floyd | The sword starts shaking quite a lot.
Floyd |

Floyd | >Dropped.
Floyd |

Floyd | >"What are you doing?" you ask.
Floyd | The Hoverist opens his eyes and looks at you. "I am trying to reach the
Floyd | forty-seventh stage of Hoverism. I can teach you about Hoverism if you
Floyd | like. The first stage is to be able to hover. You have to figure out
Floyd | how to do that for yourself. Once you know how to hover come talk to me
Floyd | again, and I will teach you the second stage."
Floyd |

Floyd | >You don't know how to do that. Maybe there is some way to fake it.
Floyd |

Floyd | >If you are thinking of jumping up and down to convince the Hoverist
Floyd | that you can hover, I think you are underestimating him.
Floyd |

Floyd | >You jump up and grab the hook. You hang there dangling.
Floyd |

Floyd | >"Hey old guy," you say "look at me! I am hovering!"
Floyd | The Hoverist looks at you and says, "True, your feet are not touching
Floyd | the ground. But it doesn't count if you are holding on to that hook!"
Floyd |

Floyd | >You drop down.
Floyd |

Floyd | >You jump up and grab the hook. You hang there dangling.
Floyd |

Floyd | >That's a bit awkward when you are hanging from the hook.
Floyd |

Floyd | >You drop down.
Floyd |

Floyd | >You take off the coat.
Floyd | You hang the coat on the hook.
Floyd |

Floyd | >"Tango!"
Floyd | The coat turns invisible.
Floyd |

Floyd | >That's a bit awkward with the coat hanging from the hook. Try hanging
Floyd | from the coat.
Floyd |

Floyd | >You grab hold of the coat. You hang there dangling.
Floyd | "Hey old guy," you say "look at me! I am hovering!"
Floyd | The Hoverist looks at you and says, "Excellent, albeit a very strange
Floyd | and dangling hovering technique. I will now teach you the second stage
Floyd | of Hoverism: Facing pain."
Floyd |
Floyd | The Hoverist spends some time teaching you how to face pain. You will
Floyd | still feel the pain, but you are no longer afraid of it.
Floyd |
Floyd | [Your score has just gone up by five points.]
Floyd |

Floyd | >Enter saved game to store: Ok.
Floyd |

Floyd | >(the coat)
Floyd | You drop down.
Floyd |

Floyd | >You decide to leave the coat. You can't think of any other uses you
Floyd | can get from it.
Floyd |

Floyd | >A staff (with tentacles)
Floyd | A Supreme crossbow (loaded)
Floyd | A manual
Floyd | A cage (with a gremlin) (closed and locked)
Floyd | A helmet
Floyd |
Floyd | You are wearing:
Floyd | A ring
Floyd | Boxer shorts.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | Large cave
Floyd | This cave has exits to the northwest and southeast.
Floyd | A huge black safe stands here, closed. Due to the unevenness of the
Floyd | cave floor, there is a gap between the safe and the floor, big enough
Floyd | for somebody to crawl down into.
Floyd | A shoal of small fish crawls around on the floor. They look creepy.
Floyd | Their skins are white and look almost transparent. Their eyes are also
Floyd | white and don't have pupils.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |

Floyd | >You manage to catch a sluggish fish.
Floyd |

Floyd | >You try some random combinations, but the safe remains locked.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | A tight room
Floyd | This is a tight tiny room formed between the safe and the uneven floor.
Floyd | You can barely move. Unfortunately the safe seems to be just as solid
Floyd | on the underside. The only way out is up.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin crawls in with you. Your bodies are pushed together. "This
Floyd | is uncomfortable," the goblin mutters.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | Large cave
Floyd | This cave has exits to the northwest and southeast.
Floyd | A huge black safe stands here, closed. Due to the unevenness of the
Floyd | cave floor, there is a gap between the safe and the floor, big enough
Floyd | for somebody to crawl down into.
Floyd | A shoal of small fish crawls around on the floor. They look creepy.
Floyd | Their skins are white and look almost transparent. Their eyes are also
Floyd | white and don't have pupils.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin crawls out from under the safe.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | Enormous cave
Floyd | The only exit from this cave is to the southeast.
Floyd | Some runes are written on the wall.
Floyd |
Floyd | A bottle of the dreaded Dante Tomato Sauce, Triple-Extra Spicy stands
Floyd | here. Something is written on it. It is closed.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |

Floyd | >You try, but the runes start swimming before your eyes. It is
Floyd | impossible to get any meaning from them. All you get is a slight
Floyd | headache. As soon as you avert your eyes, you can't even remember what
Floyd | the runes looked like. You have come across this phenomenon on a couple
Floyd | of previous product testing missions, so you know the reason. The runes
Floyd | are goblin runes; magical runes that can only be read by goblins.
Floyd |

Floyd | >The makers of Dante Tomato Sauce take no responsibility for any throat
Floyd | pain, heartburns, ulcers, ruined tongues or death that may be caused by
Floyd | the sauce.
Floyd |

Floyd | >The goblin looks at the runes. "Oh dear, I can't read them," he says.
Floyd | "Do the runes swim before your eyes?" you ask, surprised.
Floyd | "Oh no, nothing like that. It's just that the runes are too small. My
Floyd | eyes aren't as good as they used to be. If only there was some way I
Floyd | could see better."
Floyd |
Floyd | >The goblin looks at the runes. "Oh dear, I can't read them," he says.
Floyd | "Do the runes swim before your eyes?" you ask, surprised.
Floyd | "Oh no, nothing like that. It's just that the runes are too small. My
Floyd | eyes aren't as good as they used to be. If only there was some way I
Floyd | could see better."
Floyd |

Floyd | >Taken.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | Large cave
Floyd | This cave has exits to the northwest and southeast.
Floyd | A huge black safe stands here, closed. Due to the unevenness of the
Floyd | cave floor, there is a gap between the safe and the floor, big enough
Floyd | for somebody to crawl down into.
Floyd | A shoal of small fish crawls around on the floor. They look creepy.
Floyd | Their skins are white and look almost transparent. Their eyes are also
Floyd | white and don't have pupils.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | Big cave
Floyd | This cave has an exit southeast to the outside, or you could go further
Floyd | into the mountain to the northwest.
Floyd | A somewhat larger than life-size statue of his holiness One-Hand Jack
Floyd | stands in the middle of the cave. Jack used to be an infamous pirate,
Floyd | but later formed Hoverism, a peaceful religion. The statue holds its
Floyd | left arm out and up, the hook at the end of it just low enough to be
Floyd | reached.
Floyd | An old Hoverist is hovering about a meter above the floor. He is
Floyd | sitting in the lotus position, his head is turned towards the statue,
Floyd | and his eyes are closed. He is wearing a white loincloth.
Floyd |
Floyd | Though you cannot see it, you know that a Hustlespleen & Poe Coat of
Floyd | Invisibility hangs on the hook. It is supposed to turn visible (or turn
Floyd | invisible again) whenever you say the magic word "tango".
Floyd |
Floyd | The new magical sword from Adventurer's Emporium is here. According to
Floyd | the commercial it will start to vibrate when you are close to danger.
Floyd | It is shaking like crazy.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |
Floyd | The sword goes even crazier and starts thrashing like a headless
Floyd | chicken on drugs.
Floyd |

Floyd | >You are unable to control the sword, and are cut into little pieces.
Floyd |
Floyd |     *** You have given up the ghost. ***
Floyd |
Floyd |
Floyd | In that game you scored 11 out of a possible 100, in 113 turns. You get
Floyd | reincarnated as A SHRUBBERY!
Floyd | Would you like to RESTART, RESTORE a saved game, UNDO your last move or
Floyd | QUIT?

Floyd | > Big cave
Floyd | [Previous turn undone.]
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | On a mountain ledge
Floyd | The end of a narrow mountain ledge leading west. The tall mountain wall
Floyd | has three caves: to the northwest, north and northeast.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | Vast cave
Floyd | This cave has an exit leading outside to the southwest. In the middle
Floyd | of the ceiling, high above you, is a round hole. On the floor, directly
Floyd | under the hole, is a pile of hay.
Floyd | A short lever with a handle sticks out from a wall. The handle has a
Floyd | thin, wide gap, large enough for the fingers of one hand to go through.
Floyd | A metallic pyramid, about half a meter high, sticks up from the cave
Floyd | floor. You once tested a hundred different teleporters, and you
Floyd | recognize the pyramid as one of the safest and least complicated
Floyd | models. To use it you just stand on it and shake the lever repeatedly.
Floyd | This particular teleporter seems badly designed though: the lever is
Floyd | far away from it, almost on the other side of the cave.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |

Floyd | >You get on the teleporter.
Floyd |

Floyd | >Never mind the pile of hay.
Floyd |

Floyd | >You'll have to get off the teleporter first.
Floyd |

Floyd | >You get off the teleporter.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | On a mountain ledge
Floyd | The end of a narrow mountain ledge leading west. The tall mountain wall
Floyd | has three caves: to the northwest, north and northeast.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | On a mountain ledge
Floyd | A narrow mountain ledge leading west and east.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |

Floyd | >Dropped.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | On a mountain ledge
Floyd | The end of a narrow mountain ledge leading west. The tall mountain wall
Floyd | has three caves: to the northwest, north and northeast.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | Big cave
Floyd | This cave has an exit southeast to the outside, or you could go further
Floyd | into the mountain to the northwest.
Floyd | A somewhat larger than life-size statue of his holiness One-Hand Jack
Floyd | stands in the middle of the cave. Jack used to be an infamous pirate,
Floyd | but later formed Hoverism, a peaceful religion. The statue holds its
Floyd | left arm out and up, the hook at the end of it just low enough to be
Floyd | reached.
Floyd | An old Hoverist is hovering about a meter above the floor. He is
Floyd | sitting in the lotus position, his head is turned towards the statue,
Floyd | and his eyes are closed. He is wearing a white loincloth.
Floyd |
Floyd | Though you cannot see it, you know that a Hustlespleen & Poe Coat of
Floyd | Invisibility hangs on the hook. It is supposed to turn visible (or turn
Floyd | invisible again) whenever you say the magic word "tango".
Floyd |
Floyd | The new magical sword from Adventurer's Emporium is here. According to
Floyd | the commercial it will start to vibrate when you are close to danger.
Floyd | It is shaking quite a lot.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |

Floyd | >Taken.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | On a mountain ledge
Floyd | The end of a narrow mountain ledge leading west. The tall mountain wall
Floyd | has three caves: to the northwest, north and northeast.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |
Floyd | The sword starts shaking like crazy.
Floyd |
Floyd | You have a hard time holding on to the sword, and you have to struggle
Floyd | to keep from slashing yourself.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | Vast cave
Floyd | This cave has an exit leading outside to the southwest. In the middle
Floyd | of the ceiling, high above you, is a round hole. On the floor, directly
Floyd | under the hole, is a pile of hay.
Floyd | A short lever with a handle sticks out from a wall. The handle has a
Floyd | thin, wide gap, large enough for the fingers of one hand to go through.
Floyd | A metallic pyramid, about half a meter high, sticks up from the cave
Floyd | floor. You once tested a hundred different teleporters, and you
Floyd | recognize the pyramid as one of the safest and least complicated
Floyd | models. To use it you just stand on it and shake the lever repeatedly.
Floyd | This particular teleporter seems badly designed though: the lever is
Floyd | far away from it, almost on the other side of the cave.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |
Floyd | The sword calms down, but is still shaking quite a lot.
Floyd |

Floyd | >You slide the sword into the gap. The hilt prevents the sword from
Floyd | falling through. The shaking of the sword is not enough to shake the
Floyd | handle.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | On a mountain ledge
Floyd | The end of a narrow mountain ledge leading west. The tall mountain wall
Floyd | has three caves: to the northwest, north and northeast.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | On a mountain ledge
Floyd | A narrow mountain ledge leading west and east.
Floyd |
Floyd | A bottle of the dreaded Dante Tomato Sauce, Triple-Extra Spicy stands
Floyd | here. Something is written on it. It is closed.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |

Floyd | >Taken.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | On a mountain ledge
Floyd | The end of a narrow mountain ledge leading west. The tall mountain wall
Floyd | has three caves: to the northwest, north and northeast.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | Vast cave
Floyd | This cave has an exit leading outside to the southwest. In the middle
Floyd | of the ceiling, high above you, is a round hole. On the floor, directly
Floyd | under the hole, is a pile of hay.
Floyd | A short lever with a handle sticks out from a wall. The handle has a
Floyd | thin, wide gap, large enough for the fingers of one hand to go through.
Floyd | A metallic pyramid, about half a meter high, sticks up from the cave
Floyd | floor. You once tested a hundred different teleporters, and you
Floyd | recognize the pyramid as one of the safest and least complicated
Floyd | models. To use it you just stand on it and shake the lever repeatedly.
Floyd | This particular teleporter seems badly designed though: the lever is
Floyd | far away from it, almost on the other side of the cave.
Floyd |
Floyd | Up from the lever sticks the new magical sword from Adventurer's
Floyd | Emporium. According to the commercial it will start to vibrate when you
Floyd | are close to danger. It is shaking like crazy, but not enough to shake
Floyd | the lever.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |
Floyd | The sword goes even crazier and starts thrashing like a headless
Floyd | chicken on drugs.
Floyd |
Floyd | The sword makes the lever shake. There comes a low humming sound from
Floyd | the teleporter.
Floyd |

Floyd | >Enter saved game to store: Ok.
Floyd |

Floyd | >You get on the teleporter.
Floyd |
Floyd | The sword makes the lever shake. The sound from the teleporter gets
Floyd | louder.
Floyd |

Floyd | >Time passes.
Floyd |
Floyd | The sword makes the lever shake. The sound gets even louder. A few
Floyd | electrical sparks shoots up from the teleporter. Your feet tickle.
Floyd |

Floyd | >Time passes.
Floyd |
Floyd | The sword makes the lever shake. The teleporter starts shaking and
Floyd | smoking. The cave begins to fade out around you, and another cave fades
Floyd | in.
Floyd |
Floyd | Voluminous cave
Floyd | This cave has an exit to the east. In the middle of the floor is a
Floyd | round hole.
Floyd | A huge dead monster lies here, its four feet in the air. It has a
Floyd | stupid-looking face on a round gray hairless body. Its tiny eyes stare
Floyd | at nothing. The upper half of a dead pointy-eared elf is sticking out
Floyd | of its mouth. It looks like the monster choked on the elf. The elf is
Floyd | wearing a backpack.
Floyd |
Floyd | You look down at yourself. You seem unsubstantial, like a ghost. Slowly
Floyd | you begin to take on a more solid form. You hear the gremlin giggle.
Floyd | You look down. The ghostly gremlin jumps right through the bars of the
Floyd | ghostly cage. Second later you, the gremlin, the cage, and the rest of
Floyd | your possessions look normal again. The gremlin runs to the hole in the
Floyd | floor. "So long sucker!" he says and jumps through. You sigh and throw
Floyd | away the cage. You have tried catching gremlins before, and you know
Floyd | you won't be able to.
Floyd |
Floyd | [Your score has just gone up by one point.]
Floyd |

Floyd | >Vast cave
Floyd | [Previous turn undone.]
Floyd |

Floyd | >The cage slides down from the teleporter.
Floyd |
Floyd | The sword makes the lever shake. The teleporter starts shaking and
Floyd | smoking. The cave begins to fade out around you, and another cave fades
Floyd | in.
Floyd |
Floyd | Voluminous cave
Floyd | This cave has an exit to the east. In the middle of the floor is a
Floyd | round hole.
Floyd | A huge dead monster lies here, its four feet in the air. It has a
Floyd | stupid-looking face on a round gray hairless body. Its tiny eyes stare
Floyd | at nothing. The upper half of a dead pointy-eared elf is sticking out
Floyd | of its mouth. It looks like the monster choked on the elf. The elf is
Floyd | wearing a backpack.
Floyd |
Floyd | You look down at yourself. You seem unsubstantial, like a ghost. Slowly
Floyd | you begin to take on a more solid form. Now you look normal.
Floyd |
Floyd | [Your score has just gone up by one point.]
Floyd |

Floyd | >Some of the monster's teeth stick through the lower half of the
Floyd | backpack, and thus the backpack is stuck. But you feel something
Floyd | inside.
Floyd |

Floyd | >You find the following stuff in the backpack, which you take:
Floyd | A Huxoflux & Son healing gun. You tested one of these four years ago,
Floyd | and they are excellent. Just shoot anything that is wounded or sick.
Floyd | A nosehairscrew, a small intricate mechanism with many arms, spikes and
Floyd | pinchers. Part of the Guggensmith Portable Torturing Set that you
Floyd | refused to test some months ago. You are supposed to stuff it up
Floyd | someone's nose, and then twist it to cause horrendous pain.
Floyd | A pair of mirrorshades. You can see yourself in them.
Floyd |

Floyd | >You put on the pair of mirrorshades.
Floyd |

Floyd | >You can't see any such thing.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | Capacious cave
Floyd | This cave has exits to the west and northwest.
Floyd | A goblin woman is standing here. She is wearing a medallion, and
Floyd | carrying a purse. You are not quite sure, but with her long ears, sharp
Floyd | yellow teeth, and big feet you think she is pretty cute by goblin
Floyd | standards.
Floyd |

Floyd | >In this game you can't examine things. Instead use either "look" to
Floyd | see descriptions of the things in the room you are in, or "inventory"
Floyd | to see descriptions of what you are carrying. You also can't use "look
Floyd | inside", "look under", "look behind", "look <direction>" or "search".
Floyd | But you can use "read".
Floyd |

Floyd | >"Hey, what are you doing here?" you ask.
Floyd | "I work here. I'm a guard."
Floyd | "What's it like?"
Floyd | "Kind of lonely. I wish there were some other goblins around."
Floyd |

Floyd | >"Hey, what are you doing here?" you ask.
Floyd | "I work here. I'm a guard."
Floyd | "What's it like?"
Floyd | "Kind of lonely. I wish there were some other goblins around."
Floyd |

Floyd | >In this game you communicate by "talk to [whatever]", or by giving
Floyd | commands in this format: "goblin, give me the cow-o-meter".
Floyd |

Floyd | >"Yeah, right!"
Floyd |

Floyd | >The female goblin blocks your path. "You can't go in here," she says.
Floyd |

Floyd | >Never mind the purse.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | Voluminous cave
Floyd | This cave has an exit to the east. In the middle of the floor is a
Floyd | round hole.
Floyd | A huge dead monster lies here, its four feet in the air. It has a
Floyd | stupid-looking face on a round gray hairless body. Its tiny eyes stare
Floyd | at nothing. The upper half of a dead pointy-eared elf is sticking out
Floyd | of its mouth. It looks like the monster choked on the elf. The elf is
Floyd | wearing a backpack.
Floyd |

Floyd | >Enter saved game to store: Ok.
Floyd |

Floyd | >You jump down the hole. You land in a pile of hay. You get up.
Floyd |
Floyd | Vast cave
Floyd | This cave has an exit leading outside to the southwest. In the middle
Floyd | of the ceiling, high above you, is a round hole. On the floor, directly
Floyd | under the hole, is a pile of hay.
Floyd | A short lever with a handle sticks out from a wall. The handle has a
Floyd | thin, wide gap, large enough for the fingers of one hand to go through.
Floyd | A metallic pyramid, about half a meter high, sticks up from the cave
Floyd | floor. You once tested a hundred different teleporters, and you
Floyd | recognize the pyramid as one of the safest and least complicated
Floyd | models. To use it you just stand on it and shake the lever repeatedly.
Floyd | This particular teleporter seems badly designed though: the lever is
Floyd | far away from it, almost on the other side of the cave.
Floyd |
Floyd | Up from the lever sticks the new magical sword from Adventurer's
Floyd | Emporium. According to the commercial it will start to vibrate when you
Floyd | are close to danger. It is shaking like crazy, but not enough to shake
Floyd | the lever.
Floyd |
Floyd | You can see a cage (which is closed) (in which is a gremlin) and the
Floyd | goblin sidekick here.
Floyd |
Floyd | The sword goes even crazier and starts thrashing like a headless
Floyd | chicken on drugs.
Floyd |
Floyd | The sword makes the lever shake. There comes a low humming sound from
Floyd | the teleporter.
Floyd |
Floyd | The gremlin picks up a small rock from the ground. He smashes the
Floyd | code-lock with it and jumps out of the cage. Then he runs giggling
Floyd | through the southwest exit.
Floyd |

Floyd | >The goblin gets on the teleporter.
Floyd |
Floyd | The sword makes the lever shake. The sound from the teleporter gets
Floyd | louder.
Floyd |

Floyd | >You get on the teleporter.
Floyd |
Floyd | The sword makes the lever shake. The sound gets even louder. A few
Floyd | electrical sparks shoots up from the teleporter. Your feet tickle. The
Floyd | goblin giggles.
Floyd |

Floyd | >Time passes.
Floyd |
Floyd | The sword makes the lever shake. The teleporter starts shaking and
Floyd | smoking. The cave begins to fade out around you, and another cave fades
Floyd | in.
Floyd |
Floyd | Voluminous cave
Floyd | This cave has an exit to the east. In the middle of the floor is a
Floyd | round hole.
Floyd | A huge dead monster lies here, its four feet in the air. It has a
Floyd | stupid-looking face on a round gray hairless body. Its tiny eyes stare
Floyd | at nothing. The upper half of a dead pointy-eared elf is sticking out
Floyd | of its mouth. It looks like the monster choked on the elf. The elf is
Floyd | wearing a backpack.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin begins to fade in next to you. You look down at yourself.
Floyd | You seem unsubstantial, like a ghost. Slowly you begin to take on a
Floyd | more solid form. Now you look normal.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | Capacious cave
Floyd | This cave has exits to the west and northwest.
Floyd | A goblin woman is standing here. She is wearing a medallion, and
Floyd | carrying a purse. You are not quite sure, but with her long ears, sharp
Floyd | yellow teeth, and big feet you think she is pretty cute by goblin
Floyd | standards.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |
Floyd | "Well, hello there!" says the female goblin and smiles.
Floyd |
Floyd | "Uh, hi," says the goblin, his cheeks turning a darker shade of green.
Floyd | They seem distracted.
Floyd |

Floyd | >Time passes.
Floyd |

Floyd | >You sneak out. The goblins don't seem to notice.
Floyd |
Floyd | Extensive cave
Floyd | This cave has an exit to the southeast.
Floyd | On the north wall is a small round metal hatch. It is closed.
Floyd | Near the hatch is a table.
Floyd | In a corner stands a short metal garbage can. It is closed.
Floyd |
Floyd | On the table you can see:
Floyd | A long heavy-looking iron spear.
Floyd | A Remmingeim Royal crossbow. The older Royal model is almost identical
Floyd | to the Supreme. Very few but an experienced product tester like
Floyd | yourself could tell the difference. The Royal is quite good. It does
Floyd | not have the returning arrow function, but it is magically protected
Floyd | from theft and vandalism. It has an arrow identical to the one in the
Floyd | Supreme bow.
Floyd |
Floyd | [Your score has just gone up by five points.]
Floyd |

Floyd | >You can't see any such thing.
Floyd |

Floyd | >Enter saved game to store: Ok.
Floyd |

Floyd | >The spear is too heavy for that.
Floyd |

Floyd | >Taken.
Floyd |

Floyd | >You open the garbage can. It is empty.
Floyd |

Floyd | >It is locked.
Floyd |

Floyd | >The table is too heavy for that.
Floyd |

Floyd | >What do you want to unlock the hatch with?
Floyd |

Floyd | >Which do you mean, the Royal arrow or the Supreme arrow?
Floyd |

Floyd | >(first taking the Supreme arrow)
Floyd | You attempt to get the arrow from the crossbow, but almost immediately
Floyd | it disappears from your grip and reappears in the crossbow.
Floyd |

Floyd | >Just as you are about to take the arrow, the crossbow wiggles out of
Floyd | your grip. It hangs hovering in the air for a moment.Then it flies away
Floyd | and lands on the table.
Floyd |

Floyd | >You smash the crossbow into the hatch, but it is pretty solid.
Floyd |

Floyd | >You try, but the crossbow starts wiggling around, making it
Floyd | impossible.
Floyd |

Floyd | >First taking the Royal crossbow.
Floyd | Taken.
Floyd | Just as you are about to pull the trigger the crossbow wiggles out of
Floyd | your grip. It flies away and lands on the table. That theft protection
Floyd | is pretty good!
Floyd |

Floyd | >Taken.
Floyd |

Floyd | >Which do you mean, the Royal crossbow or the Supreme crossbow?
Floyd |

Floyd | >You put the Royal crossbow into the garbage can.
Floyd |

Floyd | >You sneak back.
Floyd |
Floyd | Capacious cave
Floyd | This cave has exits to the west and northwest.
Floyd | A goblin woman is standing here. She is wearing a medallion, and
Floyd | carrying a purse. You are not quite sure, but with her long ears, sharp
Floyd | yellow teeth, and big feet you think she is pretty cute by goblin
Floyd | standards. She is staring at your sidekick, looking rather distracted.
Floyd |
Floyd | You can see the goblin sidekick here.
Floyd |

Floyd | >"Come along now," you say to the goblin as you leave.
Floyd |
Floyd | Voluminous cave
Floyd | This cave has an exit to the east. In the middle of the floor is a
Floyd | round hole.
Floyd | A huge dead monster lies here, its four feet in the air. It has a
Floyd | stupid-looking face on a round gray hairless body. Its tiny eyes stare
Floyd | at nothing. The upper half of a dead pointy-eared elf is sticking out
Floyd | of its mouth. It looks like the monster choked on the elf. The elf is
Floyd | wearing a backpack.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin reluctantly walks in from the east, throwing several glances
Floyd | over his shoulder.
Floyd |

Floyd | >You jump down the hole. You land in a pile of hay. You hear someone
Floyd | shouting, "Wheeeeeee!" and you look up. The goblin is falling right
Floyd | towards you. You quickly roll to the side, and the goblin lands in the
Floyd | hay. You two get up.
Floyd |
Floyd | Vast cave
Floyd | This cave has an exit leading outside to the southwest. In the middle
Floyd | of the ceiling, high above you, is a round hole. On the floor, directly
Floyd | under the hole, is a pile of hay.
Floyd | A short lever with a handle sticks out from a wall. The handle has a
Floyd | thin, wide gap, large enough for the fingers of one hand to go through.
Floyd | A metallic pyramid, about half a meter high, sticks up from the cave
Floyd | floor. You once tested a hundred different teleporters, and you
Floyd | recognize the pyramid as one of the safest and least complicated
Floyd | models. To use it you just stand on it and shake the lever repeatedly.
Floyd | This particular teleporter seems badly designed though: the lever is
Floyd | far away from it, almost on the other side of the cave.
Floyd |
Floyd | Up from the lever sticks the new magical sword from Adventurer's
Floyd | Emporium. According to the commercial it will start to vibrate when you
Floyd | are close to danger. It is shaking like crazy, but not enough to shake
Floyd | the lever.
Floyd |
Floyd | You can see the goblin sidekick and a cage here.
Floyd |
Floyd | The sword goes even crazier and starts thrashing like a headless
Floyd | chicken on drugs.
Floyd |
Floyd | The sword makes the lever shake. There comes a low humming sound from
Floyd | the teleporter.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | On a mountain ledge
Floyd | The end of a narrow mountain ledge leading west. The tall mountain wall
Floyd | has three caves: to the northwest, north and northeast.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | Spacious cave
Floyd | This cave has an exit leading outside to the south, or you can go
Floyd | further into the mountain to the north.
Floyd | A burly barbarian is leaning against a wall, his arms crossed over his
Floyd | naked chest, a grim expression on his face. A long sabre is in his
Floyd | belt.
Floyd | A tough-looking dwarf, wearing chain mail and a helmet, is sitting on
Floyd | the floor. He is holding an axe almost as big as himself. He is smoking
Floyd | a pipe.
Floyd | A muscular white horse and a mangy donkey stand here.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | Gigantic cave
Floyd | An extremely bright light comes from an exit to the north. There is
Floyd | also an exit to the south.
Floyd | A red automat, hundred of meters tall, stands in the middle of the
Floyd | cave. Despite the insane magnitude of the machine, its money-slot and
Floyd | buttons are normal-sized and placed at normal height. The
Floyd | merchandise-slot is also close to the floor, but huge enough to hold a
Floyd | horse. You have come across these automats before. Several companies
Floyd | have recently begun placing them in dangerous places, for adventurers
Floyd | who need equipment. They are easy to use; just buy something. Something
Floyd | is written on the automat next to the buttons.
Floyd | A stone altar stands up against a wall. It is low, shadowy,
Floyd | bloodstained and has runes written on it. Next to it is a huge pile of
Floyd | fish bones.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |

Floyd | >Enter saved game to store: Ok.
Floyd |

Floyd | >(the sluggish fish on the altar)
Floyd | You put the sluggish fish on the altar.
Floyd |

Floyd | >At the top of the altar is a long string of small crudely drawn runes.
Floyd | The first depicts a large man punching a small man. The second a large
Floyd | man pushing a small man. The third a large man giving a small man a
Floyd | wedgie. There are many more with similar motifs. You have seen runes
Floyd | like this before. They mean that this is an altar of Snurgelfjekk, the
Floyd | cat-headed god of bullies. At the center of the altar is a larger, more
Floyd | detailed rune. It depicts the altar and two people. One of the people
Floyd | is playing a saxophone. The other is putting something on the altar;
Floyd | you can't quite make out what it is supposed to be. Lines are coming
Floyd | out in all directions from the altar, perhaps representing light or
Floyd | heat.
Floyd |

Floyd | >A staff (with tentacles)
Floyd | A bottle (closed)
Floyd | A healing gun
Floyd | A nosehairscrew
Floyd | A Supreme crossbow (loaded)
Floyd | A manual
Floyd | A helmet
Floyd |
Floyd | You are wearing:
Floyd | Mirrorshades
Floyd | A ring
Floyd | Boxer shorts.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | Huge cave
Floyd | This cave has exits to the north, east, south and west.
Floyd | A stone pedestal as tall as you stands in a corner. A knife is planted
Floyd | in it, hilt up.
Floyd |
Floyd | A diamond the size of your chest lies in the middle of the cave. A
Floyd | tremendous light shines out from it and fills the entire cave.
Floyd |
Floyd | You can also see the gremlin here.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |
Floyd | When the gremlin sees you, he runs away to the north.
Floyd |
Floyd | [Your score has just gone up by one point.]
Floyd |

Floyd | >This thing is really heavy. You just barely manage to pick it up. Your
Floyd | back creaks ominously.
Floyd |

Floyd | >The diamond is so heavy; you can't bear to go anywhere whilst holding
Floyd | it.
Floyd |

Floyd | >Dropped.
Floyd |

Floyd | >The diamond is too heavy.
Floyd |

Floyd | >You pull the knife out of the pedestal. You notice the following
Floyd | things:
Floyd | 1. A mysterious click.
Floyd | 2. That the knife is very dull.
Floyd | 3. A large gap in the cave wall next to you opening up.
Floyd | 4. A metal arm with a round spinning saw-blade emerging from the gap.
Floyd | 5. The top of your head being cut off.
Floyd | 6. The arm retreating.
Floyd | 7. The gap closing.
Floyd | 8. Lots of blood gushing out of your head.
Floyd |

Floyd | >Huge cave
Floyd | [Previous turn undone.]
Floyd |

Floyd | >Nothing happens.
Floyd |

Floyd | >"I am afraid that is too heavy for me."
Floyd |

Floyd | >A mail-ordered short metal staff with a clear orb on the end. Its
Floyd | manufacturers say the staff will remove any creature that comes in
Floyd | contact with the orb. Inside the orb you can see a small unmoving
Floyd | cluster of turquoise tentacles.
Floyd | A bottle of the dreaded Dante Tomato Sauce, Triple-Extra Spicy.
Floyd | Something is written on it. It is closed.
Floyd | A Huxoflux & Son healing gun. You tested one of these four years ago,
Floyd | and they are excellent. Just shoot anything that is wounded or sick.
Floyd | A nosehairscrew, a small intricate mechanism with many arms, spikes and
Floyd | pinchers. Part of the Guggensmith Portable Torturing Set that you
Floyd | refused to test some months ago. You are supposed to stuff it up
Floyd | someone's nose, and then twist it to cause horrendous pain.
Floyd | A Remmingheim Supreme crossbow, loaded with an arrow. The Supreme model
Floyd | is supposed to have a special feature. When you shoot it, the arrow
Floyd | will magically return, and the crossbow will be loaded again. The hard,
Floyd | razor-sharp arrow is protruding a good ten centimeters from the front
Floyd | of the crossbow.
Floyd | "The Ultimate Creature Manual" by Arthur Hippoman. According to the
Floyd | back it contains information about every single monster in the world,
Floyd | and how to defend yourself against them. It is suspiciously thin.
Floyd | A Super Champion Helmet. It is round and made of thin metal. It was
Floyd | supposed to magically turn you into a hero.
Floyd |
Floyd | You are wearing:
Floyd | A pair of mirrorshades. You could see yourself in them if you weren't
Floyd | wearing them.
Floyd | On your finger is a Snuffelburg & Co. Type F Magical Ring. It is red
Floyd | and golden. It is supposed to protect you from any magical rays, by
Floyd | moving the effect of the ray away from you and onto the gremlin. That
Floyd | is, if the gremlin is still wearing the smaller, magically connected,
Floyd | ring.
Floyd | A pair of red boxer shorts, decorated with tiny teddy-bears dressed as
Floyd | sailors. They are not something you are supposed to test; they are your
Floyd | own.
Floyd |

Floyd | >The makers of Dante Tomato Sauce take no responsibility for any throat
Floyd | pain, heartburns, ulcers, ruined tongues or death that may be caused by
Floyd | the sauce.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | Prodigious and very hot cave
Floyd | An extremely bright light comes from this cave's only exit to the east.
Floyd | It is terribly hot here. The intolerable temperature is almost
Floyd | certainly caused by the red-hot stone oven standing in a corner.
Floyd | A stone table stands in the middle of the cave. Round it stands a stone
Floyd | throne with an old troll, a stone chair with a tall troll, a stone
Floyd | stool with a short troll, and a large stone. The trolls look a bit like
Floyd | humans made of stone, though with no necks, bigger jaws, smaller eyes
Floyd | and huge arms and hands. They are playing some kind of card game.
Floyd | A golem, a man crudely made from stone, is standing here unmoving. Some
Floyd | runes have been chiseled into his chest.
Floyd |
Floyd | You can see a stone saxophone here.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |

Floyd | >They are very old runes and the only one you understand means
Floyd | "saxophone".
Floyd |

Floyd | >"Don't know what is says. Maybe it's an advertisement for a music
Floyd | store."
Floyd |

Floyd | >Taken.
Floyd |

Floyd | >As you are about to leave, the golem suddenly comes to life. It easily
Floyd | yanks the saxophone from your arms and puts it on the cave floor. Then
Floyd | it goes back to standing still, exactly in the same position as before.
Floyd | One of the trolls says, "Ur, oh yeah, that golem was sat there to guard
Floyd | the saxophone. That sax is some kind of holy relic or something."
Floyd |

Floyd | >The large stone is too heavy for that.
Floyd |

Floyd | >(the golem)
Floyd | "Who made you?" you ask, but the golem does not respond.
Floyd |

Floyd | >You can only do that to something animate.
Floyd |

Floyd | >"So what is this game called?" you ask.
Floyd | "Ur, troll poker."
Floyd |

Floyd | >"Can I play?" you ask.
Floyd | "Ur, have you got any money?"
Floyd | "No."
Floyd | "Ur, then you can't play."
Floyd |

Floyd | >"So are you guys really made of stone?" you ask.
Floyd | "Ur, dunno."
Floyd |

Floyd | >(the golem)
Floyd | You smash your fist into the golem, then scream in pain. The trolls
Floyd | laugh.
Floyd |

Floyd | >(the golem with the staff)
Floyd | Nothing happens. Guess golems aren't technically living.
Floyd |

Floyd | >A staff (with tentacles)
Floyd | A bottle (closed)
Floyd | A healing gun
Floyd | A nosehairscrew
Floyd | A Supreme crossbow (loaded)
Floyd | A manual
Floyd | A helmet
Floyd |
Floyd | You are wearing:
Floyd | Mirrorshades
Floyd | A ring
Floyd | Boxer shorts.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | Huge cave
Floyd | This cave has exits to the north, east, south and west.
Floyd | A stone pedestal as tall as you stands in a corner. A knife is planted
Floyd | in it, hilt up.
Floyd |
Floyd | A diamond the size of your chest lies in the middle of the cave. A
Floyd | tremendous light shines out from it and fills the entire cave.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | Tremendous Cave
Floyd | An extremely bright light comes from this cave's only exit to the
Floyd | south.
Floyd | Some runes are written on the wall.
Floyd | A genie floats about a meter above the ground. He looks like a man made
Floyd | of ice. He is bald, but has a beard of icicles. He has no legs; his
Floyd | stomach rises from a small cloud of icy steam. He holds an ice sabre.
Floyd | A hippoman, half man, half hippo, stands knitting something yellow. He
Floyd | is fat, purple and has two very thick legs.
Floyd | A young angry-looking woman stands holding a large placard saying "Save
Floyd | the monsters!" She is clearly one of those monster rights activists
Floyd | that have been making your job so much harder lately.
Floyd | The gremlin has climbed quite high up on the wall. He is a small green
Floyd | humanoid creature with pointy ears. He is wearing a tiny ring and is
Floyd | smoking a tiny cigarette.
Floyd | A large metal chest stands up against a wall. It is closed.
Floyd | A large machine is at the back of the cave. Its mechanisms looks very
Floyd | complex. Actually it is very easy to use. You know this because on a
Floyd | previous product-testing mission you came across a machine just like it
Floyd | and spend four hours trying to figure out how it worked. The machine is
Floyd | for sharpening tools and weapons. Just put what you want sharpened into
Floyd | it and wait.
Floyd |
Floyd | You can see a big tacky holy grail here.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |
Floyd | The woman notices you and smiles. "Hello there," she says.
Floyd | The genie nods at you.
Floyd | The hippoman says, "Welcome to my humble cave."
Floyd | "I know him," says the gremlin. "He had me trapped in a cage. He is one
Floyd | of them adventurers. He goes around killing monsters."
Floyd | "What?!" shouts the woman.
Floyd | "Yeah," says the gremlin "And he once said he thought genies were a
Floyd | bunch of overrated powerless second-class ghosts."
Floyd | "Did he now?" says the genie.
Floyd | The gremlin turns to the hippoman and says, "He also told me hippomen
Floyd | stink and that you were a tub of lard!"
Floyd | The hippoman snorts angrily. He, the woman and the genie approach you.
Floyd | The hippoman punches you in the stomach saying "You disgusting human!"
Floyd | The woman hits you in the head with her placard shouting, "Go away, you
Floyd | monster molester!" The genie lifts you up by the neck with one icy
Floyd | hand, and throws you down on the floor. The three go away from you
Floyd | muttering angrily. The gremlin giggles as you get up.
Floyd |

Floyd | >You need to be holding the Supreme arrow before you can put it into
Floyd | something else.
Floyd |

Floyd | >That is not something that needs sharpening.
Floyd |

Floyd | >What do you want to torture the gremlin with?
Floyd |

Floyd | >The gremlin is too high up.
Floyd |

Floyd | >As you are about to take it, the hippoman knocks you down. "So, trying
Floyd | to rob a poor defenseless hippoman are you?" he says.
Floyd |

Floyd | >You try to explain, "The gremlin was lying. I have never said anything
Floyd | bad about hippomen."
Floyd | The hippoman snorts angrily. "Why should I believe a hippohater like
Floyd | you?"
Floyd |

Floyd | >You ask, "Why are you trying to save the monsters anyway?"
Floyd | "Are you kidding? Don't you know that each year 40 species of monsters
Floyd | go extinct because of adventurers?"
Floyd |

Floyd | >"So you are a genie, eh?" you say. "I wish I had a nice big treasure."
Floyd | "Dream on, transient creature."
Floyd |

Floyd | >Just as you are about to open the chest, the genie rushes towards you
Floyd | swinging his sabre. You jump back. The genie says, "That is my chest!"
Floyd |

Floyd | >In this game you can't examine things. Instead use either "look" to
Floyd | see descriptions of the things in the room you are in, or "inventory"
Floyd | to see descriptions of what you are carrying. You also can't use "look
Floyd | inside", "look under", "look behind", "look <direction>" or "search".
Floyd | But you can use "read".
Floyd |

Floyd | >"Danger of falling rocks. Please don't make any loud noises, as people
Floyd | OR MONSTERS might get hurt. And you wouldn't want that now. WOULD YOU?"
Floyd |

Floyd | >You shout as loud as you can.
Floyd |
Floyd | Rocks start falling from the ceiling. A couple of small ones hit you.
Floyd | "My head! My beautiful head!" the hippoman cries as a rock hits him.
Floyd | The goblin runs around in circles in an unsuccessful attempt to avoid
Floyd | the rocks. The genie looks pretty annoyed as a big rock bounces off his
Floyd | head. "Oh, won't somebody protect my beautiful head," the hippoman
Floyd | cries as another rock hits him. The woman holds the placard over her,
Floyd | and some rocks bounce off it. The gremlin dodges a rock by quickly
Floyd | crawling horizontally along the wall.
Floyd |
Floyd | The hippoman sighs. "If only there existed some sort of device that
Floyd | could prevent rocks from falling on my head all the time," he says.
Floyd |

Floyd | >The hippoman takes the helmet and manages to squeeze it down on his
Floyd | big head. "Don't think this means I have forgiven you," he says.
Floyd |
Floyd | [Your score has just gone up by three points.]
Floyd |

Floyd | >As you are about to take it, the hippoman approaches you angrily. He
Floyd | lifts his hand as if to hit you, but suddenly stops and yelps. He looks
Floyd | startled for a moment. Then he tries to tear off the helmet, but it is
Floyd | stuck. You pick up the grail. Suddenly you feel a terrible pain in your
Floyd | hand, and you drop the grail. You hear somebody hissing, and look
Floyd | around. It is the gremlin. He is stabbing his cigarette into his own
Floyd | hand. He is clearly in pain. He removes the cigarette from his hand,
Floyd | and the pain in your hand disappears. He puts the cigarette back in his
Floyd | mouth and laughs at you.
Floyd |

Floyd | >The ring is stuck on your finger.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | Huge cave
Floyd | This cave has exits to the north, east, south and west.
Floyd | A stone pedestal as tall as you stands in a corner. A knife is planted
Floyd | in it, hilt up.
Floyd |
Floyd | A diamond the size of your chest lies in the middle of the cave. A
Floyd | tremendous light shines out from it and fills the entire cave.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |

Floyd | >I only understood you as far as wanting to touch the type F ring.
Floyd |

Floyd | >You feel nothing unexpected.
Floyd |

Floyd | >You feel nothing unexpected.
Floyd |

Floyd | >Putting things on the diamond would achieve nothing.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | Prodigious and very hot cave
Floyd | An extremely bright light comes from this cave's only exit to the east.
Floyd | It is terribly hot here. The intolerable temperature is almost
Floyd | certainly caused by the red-hot stone oven standing in a corner.
Floyd | A stone table stands in the middle of the cave. Round it stands a stone
Floyd | throne with an old troll, a stone chair with a tall troll, a stone
Floyd | stool with a short troll, and a large stone. The trolls look a bit like
Floyd | humans made of stone, though with no necks, bigger jaws, smaller eyes
Floyd | and huge arms and hands. They are playing some kind of card game.
Floyd | A golem, a man crudely made from stone, is standing here unmoving. Some
Floyd | runes have been chiseled into his chest.
Floyd |
Floyd | You can see a stone saxophone here.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |

Floyd | >Enter saved game to store: Ok.
Floyd |

Floyd | >Never mind the stone oven.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | Huge cave
Floyd | This cave has exits to the north, east, south and west.
Floyd | A stone pedestal as tall as you stands in a corner. A knife is planted
Floyd | in it, hilt up.
Floyd |
Floyd | A diamond the size of your chest lies in the middle of the cave. A
Floyd | tremendous light shines out from it and fills the entire cave.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | Bumper cave
Floyd | An extremely bright light comes from an exit to the west. There is
Floyd | another exit to the northeast. Someone has chiseled gaps into the cave
Floyd | wall, forming a primitive ladder leading up to a hole in the ceiling.
Floyd | A table made from human skulls stands near the northeast exit. On the
Floyd | table stands a shimmering pink translucent cube and a small, rusty,
Floyd | holy grail.
Floyd | A small round stage stands close to the table. It is apparently made
Floyd | from human faces frozen in terrible screams.
Floyd | A small flamingo-headed man sits behind the table in a
Floyd | comfortable-looking armchair covered in obviously fake giraffe fur. He
Floyd | is wearing a jester's suit, including a ridiculous hat with bells on.
Floyd | He is staring at the pink cube.
Floyd | An armadillo-headed woman in a white toga sits next to him on a
Floyd | barstool made from green shimmering flames. She is reading a thick
Floyd | brown book called "Practical Tests of Existentialism".
Floyd | A cat-headed man sits next to her on a throne draped in black leather,
Floyd | with numerous spikes sticking out of it. He is tall, fat and dressed in
Floyd | a black leather jacket, black jeans and black leather boots.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |

Floyd | >"What is the weird stage for?" you ask.
Floyd | "It's mine. It's my altar. Where my followers stand when they worship
Floyd | me."
Floyd |

Floyd | >"Who are you people?" you ask.
Floyd | The man answers in a deep voice, "The idiot in the jester suit is
Floyd | Pjyldoflopp, god of comedy. The chick with the book is Morgeldindo,
Floyd | goddess of wisdom. Me, I'm Snurgelfjekk, god of bullies. And you better
Floyd | worship me, or else!"
Floyd |

Floyd | >"Who are you people?" you ask.
Floyd | The man answers in a deep voice, "The idiot in the jester suit is
Floyd | Pjyldoflopp, god of comedy. The chick with the book is Morgeldindo,
Floyd | goddess of wisdom. Me, I'm Snurgelfjekk, god of bullies. And you better
Floyd | worship me, or else!"
Floyd |

Floyd | >(the armadillo-headed woman)
Floyd | "Is it a good book?" you ask.
Floyd | The woman says, sounding bored: "A total waste of paper. I hope for the
Floyd | writer's sake that he's got brain rot, there's no other excuse for
Floyd | producing such drivel."
Floyd |

Floyd | >Your hand goes right through the cube as if the cube is made of air.
Floyd |
Floyd | There is a flickering image inside the cube. The flamingo-headed man
Floyd | giggles and says, "Some guy in Switzerland just fell into a barrel of
Floyd | fish."
Floyd |

Floyd | >You try to take the grail, but the flamingo-headed man notices it. He
Floyd | sticks his hands inside his chest and pulls out a huge fish, holding it
Floyd | around its tail. The fish is much larger than the man's chest, and
Floyd | almost larger than the man. The man slaps you in the face with the
Floyd | fish. Then, giggling, he puts it back in his chest. "It's my grail," he
Floyd | says.
Floyd |

Floyd | >You try to read over the shoulder of the woman. There is a very
Floyd | complex sentence apparently describing a test you take to see if you
Floyd | are real or not. You don't understand it, but feel mildly disturbed.
Floyd |
Floyd | There is a flickering image inside the cube. The flamingo-headed man
Floyd | giggles and says, "Some woman in Singapore just sat on a cactus."
Floyd |

Floyd | >You have so far scored 21 out of a possible 100, in 225 turns.
Floyd |

Floyd | >As you are about to go, the cat-headed man sticks out a leg and trips
Floyd | you. You fall on your face. The cat-headed man laughs.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | Titanic cave
Floyd | This cave has a hole in the floor. On the south wall is a small round
Floyd | metal hatch. It is closed.
Floyd | In the middle of the room stands a stone pedestal, on which is attached
Floyd | A HUGE IMPORTANT WARNING SIGN! On top of the pedestal stands a metal
Floyd | chest. It is closed.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes climbing up from the hole.
Floyd |

Floyd | >"Do not open the chest. If you do, an alarm will sound, and a guard
Floyd | will shoot you from the hatch with a crossbow."
Floyd |

Floyd | >You open the chest. There comes a terrible ringing sound. An alarm!
Floyd | There are five gold coins in the chest. You quickly grab them before
Floyd | running towards the ladder. You hear something behind you. With one
Floyd | foot on the ladder you turn your head. It's the hatch; it has opened,
Floyd | revealing a female goblin peeking through. She is holding the Royal
Floyd | crossbow. "If you were going to hide my stuff, you should at least have
Floyd | had the brains to close the garbage can," she says, before shooting you
Floyd | through the eye. You fall down the hole. You are dead before you hit
Floyd | the ground.
Floyd |
Floyd |     *** You have died. ***
Floyd |
Floyd |
Floyd | In that game you scored 21 out of a possible 100, in 229 turns. You get
Floyd | reincarnated as a shrimp.
Floyd | Would you like to RESTART, RESTORE a saved game, UNDO your last move or
Floyd | QUIT?

Floyd | > Titanic cave
Floyd | [Previous turn undone.]
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | Bumper cave
Floyd | An extremely bright light comes from an exit to the west. There is
Floyd | another exit to the northeast. Someone has chiseled gaps into the cave
Floyd | wall, forming a primitive ladder leading up to a hole in the ceiling.
Floyd | A table made from human skulls stands near the northeast exit. On the
Floyd | table stands a shimmering pink translucent cube and a small, rusty,
Floyd | holy grail.
Floyd | A small round stage stands close to the table. It is apparently made
Floyd | from human faces frozen in terrible screams.
Floyd | A small flamingo-headed man sits behind the table in a
Floyd | comfortable-looking armchair covered in obviously fake giraffe fur. He
Floyd | is wearing a jester's suit, including a ridiculous hat with bells on.
Floyd | He is staring at the pink cube.
Floyd | An armadillo-headed woman in a white toga sits next to him on a
Floyd | barstool made from green shimmering flames. She is reading a thick
Floyd | brown book called "Practical Tests of Existentialism".
Floyd | A cat-headed man sits next to her on a throne draped in black leather,
Floyd | with numerous spikes sticking out of it. He is tall, fat and dressed in
Floyd | a black leather jacket, black jeans and black leather boots.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes climbing down the ladder.
Floyd |
Floyd | There is a flickering image inside the cube. The flamingo-headed man
Floyd | giggles and says, "Some guy in Syria just got attacked by a
Floyd | woodpecker."
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | Huge cave
Floyd | This cave has exits to the north, east, south and west.
Floyd | A stone pedestal as tall as you stands in a corner. A knife is planted
Floyd | in it, hilt up.
Floyd |
Floyd | A diamond the size of your chest lies in the middle of the cave. A
Floyd | tremendous light shines out from it and fills the entire cave.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | Tremendous Cave
Floyd | An extremely bright light comes from this cave's only exit to the
Floyd | south.
Floyd | Some runes are written on the wall.
Floyd | A genie floats about a meter above the ground. He looks like a man made
Floyd | of ice. He is bald, but has a beard of icicles. He has no legs; his
Floyd | stomach rises from a small cloud of icy steam. He holds an ice sabre.
Floyd | A hippoman, half man, half hippo, stands knitting something yellow. He
Floyd | is fat, purple and has two very thick legs. He is wearing your helmet.
Floyd | A young angry-looking woman stands holding a large placard saying "Save
Floyd | the monsters!" She is clearly one of those monster rights activists
Floyd | that have been making your job so much harder lately.
Floyd | The gremlin has climbed quite high up on the wall. He is a small green
Floyd | humanoid creature with pointy ears. He is wearing a tiny ring and is
Floyd | smoking a tiny cigarette.
Floyd | A large metal chest stands up against a wall. It is closed.
Floyd | A large machine is at the back of the cave. Its mechanisms looks very
Floyd | complex. Actually it is very easy to use. You know this because on a
Floyd | previous product-testing mission you came across a machine just like it
Floyd | and spend four hours trying to figure out how it worked. The machine is
Floyd | for sharpening tools and weapons. Just put what you want sharpened into
Floyd | it and wait.
Floyd |
Floyd | You can see a big tacky holy grail here.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | Huge cave
Floyd | This cave has exits to the north, east, south and west.
Floyd | A stone pedestal as tall as you stands in a corner. A knife is planted
Floyd | in it, hilt up.
Floyd |
Floyd | A diamond the size of your chest lies in the middle of the cave. A
Floyd | tremendous light shines out from it and fills the entire cave.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | Gigantic cave
Floyd | An extremely bright light comes from an exit to the north. There is
Floyd | also an exit to the south.
Floyd | A red automat, hundred of meters tall, stands in the middle of the
Floyd | cave. Despite the insane magnitude of the machine, its money-slot and
Floyd | buttons are normal-sized and placed at normal height. The
Floyd | merchandise-slot is also close to the floor, but huge enough to hold a
Floyd | horse. You have come across these automats before. Several companies
Floyd | have recently begun placing them in dangerous places, for adventurers
Floyd | who need equipment. They are easy to use; just buy something. Something
Floyd | is written on the automat next to the buttons.
Floyd | A stone altar stands up against a wall. It is low, shadowy,
Floyd | bloodstained and has runes written on it. Next to it is a huge pile of
Floyd | fish bones.
Floyd |
Floyd | On the altar you can see:
Floyd | A sluggish fish. Its eyes are white and have no pupils. It is crawling
Floyd | around.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | Spacious cave
Floyd | This cave has an exit leading outside to the south, or you can go
Floyd | further into the mountain to the north.
Floyd | A burly barbarian is leaning against a wall, his arms crossed over his
Floyd | naked chest, a grim expression on his face. A long sabre is in his
Floyd | belt.
Floyd | A tough-looking dwarf, wearing chain mail and a helmet, is sitting on
Floyd | the floor. He is holding an axe almost as big as himself. He is smoking
Floyd | a pipe.
Floyd | A muscular white horse and a mangy donkey stand here.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | On a mountain ledge
Floyd | The end of a narrow mountain ledge leading west. The tall mountain wall
Floyd | has three caves: to the northwest, north and northeast.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | Vast cave
Floyd | This cave has an exit leading outside to the southwest. In the middle
Floyd | of the ceiling, high above you, is a round hole. On the floor, directly
Floyd | under the hole, is a pile of hay.
Floyd | A short lever with a handle sticks out from a wall. The handle has a
Floyd | thin, wide gap, large enough for the fingers of one hand to go through.
Floyd | A metallic pyramid, about half a meter high, sticks up from the cave
Floyd | floor. You once tested a hundred different teleporters, and you
Floyd | recognize the pyramid as one of the safest and least complicated
Floyd | models. To use it you just stand on it and shake the lever repeatedly.
Floyd | This particular teleporter seems badly designed though: the lever is
Floyd | far away from it, almost on the other side of the cave.
Floyd |
Floyd | You can hear a low humming coming from the teleporter.
Floyd |
Floyd | Up from the lever sticks the new magical sword from Adventurer's
Floyd | Emporium. According to the commercial it will start to vibrate when you
Floyd | are close to danger. It is shaking like crazy, but not enough to shake
Floyd | the lever.
Floyd |
Floyd | You can see a cage here.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |
Floyd | The sword goes even crazier and starts thrashing like a headless
Floyd | chicken on drugs.
Floyd |
Floyd | The sword makes the lever shake. The sound from the teleporter gets
Floyd | louder.
Floyd |

Floyd | >You get on the teleporter.
Floyd |
Floyd | The sword makes the lever shake. The sound gets even louder. A few
Floyd | electrical sparks shoots up from the teleporter. Your feet tickle.
Floyd |

Floyd | >The goblin gets on the teleporter.
Floyd |
Floyd | The sword makes the lever shake. The teleporter starts shaking and
Floyd | smoking. The cave begins to fade out around you, and another cave fades
Floyd | in.
Floyd |
Floyd | Voluminous cave
Floyd | This cave has an exit to the east. In the middle of the floor is a
Floyd | round hole.
Floyd | A huge dead monster lies here, its four feet in the air. It has a
Floyd | stupid-looking face on a round gray hairless body. Its tiny eyes stare
Floyd | at nothing. The upper half of a dead pointy-eared elf is sticking out
Floyd | of its mouth. It looks like the monster choked on the elf. The elf is
Floyd | wearing a backpack.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin begins to fade in next to you. You look down at yourself.
Floyd | You seem unsubstantial, like a ghost. Slowly you begin to take on a
Floyd | more solid form. Now you look normal.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | Capacious cave
Floyd | This cave has exits to the west and northwest.
Floyd | A goblin woman is standing here. She is wearing a medallion, and
Floyd | carrying a purse. You are not quite sure, but with her long ears, sharp
Floyd | yellow teeth, and big feet you think she is pretty cute by goblin
Floyd | standards.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |
Floyd | "Well, hello there!" says the female goblin and smiles.
Floyd |
Floyd | "Uh, hi," says the goblin, his cheeks turning a darker shade of green.
Floyd | They seem distracted.
Floyd |

Floyd | >You sneak out. The goblins don't seem to notice.
Floyd |
Floyd | Extensive cave
Floyd | This cave has an exit to the southeast.
Floyd | On the north wall is a small round metal hatch. It is closed.
Floyd | Near the hatch is a table.
Floyd | In a corner stands a short metal garbage can. It is open.
Floyd |
Floyd | On the table you can see:
Floyd | A long heavy-looking iron spear.
Floyd |
Floyd | The garbage can contains:
Floyd | A Remmingeim Royal crossbow. The older Royal model is almost identical
Floyd | to the Supreme. Very few but an experienced product tester like
Floyd | yourself could tell the difference. The Royal is quite good. It does
Floyd | not have the returning arrow function, but it is magically protected
Floyd | from theft and vandalism. It has an arrow identical to the one in the
Floyd | Supreme bow.
Floyd |

Floyd | >You close the garbage can.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | Extensive cave
Floyd | This cave has an exit to the southeast.
Floyd | On the north wall is a small round metal hatch. It is closed.
Floyd | Near the hatch is a table.
Floyd | In a corner stands a short metal garbage can. It is closed.
Floyd |
Floyd | On the table you can see:
Floyd | A long heavy-looking iron spear.
Floyd |

Floyd | >The spear is too heavy for that.
Floyd |

Floyd | >You open the garbage can. It contains:
Floyd | A Remmingeim Royal crossbow. The older Royal model is almost identical
Floyd | to the Supreme. Very few but an experienced product tester like
Floyd | yourself could tell the difference. The Royal is quite good. It does
Floyd | not have the returning arrow function, but it is magically protected
Floyd | from theft and vandalism. It has an arrow identical to the one in the
Floyd | Supreme bow.
Floyd |

Floyd | >You close the garbage can.
Floyd |

Floyd | >You put the Supreme crossbow on the table.
Floyd |

Floyd | >You sneak back.
Floyd |
Floyd | Capacious cave
Floyd | This cave has exits to the west and northwest.
Floyd | A goblin woman is standing here. She is wearing a medallion, and
Floyd | carrying a purse. You are not quite sure, but with her long ears, sharp
Floyd | yellow teeth, and big feet you think she is pretty cute by goblin
Floyd | standards. She is staring at your sidekick, looking rather distracted.
Floyd |
Floyd | You can see the goblin sidekick here.
Floyd |

Floyd | >"Come along now," you say to the goblin as you leave.
Floyd |
Floyd | Voluminous cave
Floyd | This cave has an exit to the east. In the middle of the floor is a
Floyd | round hole.
Floyd | A huge dead monster lies here, its four feet in the air. It has a
Floyd | stupid-looking face on a round gray hairless body. Its tiny eyes stare
Floyd | at nothing. The upper half of a dead pointy-eared elf is sticking out
Floyd | of its mouth. It looks like the monster choked on the elf. The elf is
Floyd | wearing a backpack.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin reluctantly walks in from the east, throwing several glances
Floyd | over his shoulder.
Floyd |

Floyd | >You jump down the hole. You land in a pile of hay. You hear someone
Floyd | shouting, "Wheeeeeee!" and you look up. The goblin is falling right
Floyd | towards you. You quickly roll to the side, and the goblin lands in the
Floyd | hay. You two get up.
Floyd |
Floyd | Vast cave
Floyd | This cave has an exit leading outside to the southwest. In the middle
Floyd | of the ceiling, high above you, is a round hole. On the floor, directly
Floyd | under the hole, is a pile of hay.
Floyd | A short lever with a handle sticks out from a wall. The handle has a
Floyd | thin, wide gap, large enough for the fingers of one hand to go through.
Floyd | A metallic pyramid, about half a meter high, sticks up from the cave
Floyd | floor. You once tested a hundred different teleporters, and you
Floyd | recognize the pyramid as one of the safest and least complicated
Floyd | models. To use it you just stand on it and shake the lever repeatedly.
Floyd | This particular teleporter seems badly designed though: the lever is
Floyd | far away from it, almost on the other side of the cave.
Floyd |
Floyd | Up from the lever sticks the new magical sword from Adventurer's
Floyd | Emporium. According to the commercial it will start to vibrate when you
Floyd | are close to danger. It is shaking like crazy, but not enough to shake
Floyd | the lever.
Floyd |
Floyd | You can see the goblin sidekick and a cage here.
Floyd |
Floyd | The sword goes even crazier and starts thrashing like a headless
Floyd | chicken on drugs.
Floyd |
Floyd | The sword makes the lever shake. There comes a low humming sound from
Floyd | the teleporter.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | On a mountain ledge
Floyd | The end of a narrow mountain ledge leading west. The tall mountain wall
Floyd | has three caves: to the northwest, north and northeast.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | Spacious cave
Floyd | This cave has an exit leading outside to the south, or you can go
Floyd | further into the mountain to the north.
Floyd | A burly barbarian is leaning against a wall, his arms crossed over his
Floyd | naked chest, a grim expression on his face. A long sabre is in his
Floyd | belt.
Floyd | A tough-looking dwarf, wearing chain mail and a helmet, is sitting on
Floyd | the floor. He is holding an axe almost as big as himself. He is smoking
Floyd | a pipe.
Floyd | A muscular white horse and a mangy donkey stand here.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | Gigantic cave
Floyd | An extremely bright light comes from an exit to the north. There is
Floyd | also an exit to the south.
Floyd | A red automat, hundred of meters tall, stands in the middle of the
Floyd | cave. Despite the insane magnitude of the machine, its money-slot and
Floyd | buttons are normal-sized and placed at normal height. The
Floyd | merchandise-slot is also close to the floor, but huge enough to hold a
Floyd | horse. You have come across these automats before. Several companies
Floyd | have recently begun placing them in dangerous places, for adventurers
Floyd | who need equipment. They are easy to use; just buy something. Something
Floyd | is written on the automat next to the buttons.
Floyd | A stone altar stands up against a wall. It is low, shadowy,
Floyd | bloodstained and has runes written on it. Next to it is a huge pile of
Floyd | fish bones.
Floyd |
Floyd | On the altar you can see:
Floyd | A sluggish fish. Its eyes are white and have no pupils. It is crawling
Floyd | around.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | Huge cave
Floyd | This cave has exits to the north, east, south and west.
Floyd | A stone pedestal as tall as you stands in a corner. A knife is planted
Floyd | in it, hilt up.
Floyd |
Floyd | A diamond the size of your chest lies in the middle of the cave. A
Floyd | tremendous light shines out from it and fills the entire cave.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | Bumper cave
Floyd | An extremely bright light comes from an exit to the west. There is
Floyd | another exit to the northeast. Someone has chiseled gaps into the cave
Floyd | wall, forming a primitive ladder leading up to a hole in the ceiling.
Floyd | A table made from human skulls stands near the northeast exit. On the
Floyd | table stands a shimmering pink translucent cube and a small, rusty,
Floyd | holy grail.
Floyd | A small round stage stands close to the table. It is apparently made
Floyd | from human faces frozen in terrible screams.
Floyd | A small flamingo-headed man sits behind the table in a
Floyd | comfortable-looking armchair covered in obviously fake giraffe fur. He
Floyd | is wearing a jester's suit, including a ridiculous hat with bells on.
Floyd | He is staring at the pink cube.
Floyd | An armadillo-headed woman in a white toga sits next to him on a
Floyd | barstool made from green shimmering flames. She is reading a thick
Floyd | brown book called "Practical Tests of Existentialism".
Floyd | A cat-headed man sits next to her on a throne draped in black leather,
Floyd | with numerous spikes sticking out of it. He is tall, fat and dressed in
Floyd | a black leather jacket, black jeans and black leather boots.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes running after you.
Floyd |
Floyd | There is a flickering image inside the cube. The flamingo-headed man
Floyd | giggles and says, "Some guy in Russia just stepped on a beehive."
Floyd |

Floyd | >
Floyd | Titanic cave
Floyd | This cave has a hole in the floor. On the south wall is a small round
Floyd | metal hatch. It is closed.
Floyd | In the middle of the room stands a stone pedestal, on which is attached
Floyd | A HUGE IMPORTANT WARNING SIGN! On top of the pedestal stands a metal
Floyd | chest. It is closed.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes climbing up from the hole.
Floyd |

Floyd | >You open the chest. There comes a terrible ringing sound. An alarm!
Floyd | There are five gold coins in the chest. You quickly grab them before
Floyd | running towards the ladder. You hear something behind you. With one
Floyd | foot on the ladder you turn your head. It's the hatch; it has opened,
Floyd | revealing a female goblin peeking through. She is holding your Supreme
Floyd | crossbow. It is aimed right at you. She fires. Almost instantly, before
Floyd | it has even left the crossbow completely, the arrow returns to the bow.
Floyd | "What?" says the goblin lady. She fires again. The arrow returns again.
Floyd | Startled the lady fires again and again. She begins to swear. You laugh
Floyd | and climb down.
Floyd |
Floyd | Bumper cave
Floyd | An extremely bright light comes from an exit to the west. There is
Floyd | another exit to the northeast. Someone has chiseled gaps into the cave
Floyd | wall, forming a primitive ladder leading up to a hole in the ceiling.
Floyd | A table made from human skulls stands near the northeast exit. On the
Floyd | table stands a shimmering pink translucent cube and a small, rusty,
Floyd | holy grail.
Floyd | A small round stage stands close to the table. It is apparently made
Floyd | from human faces frozen in terrible screams.
Floyd | A small flamingo-headed man sits behind the table in a
Floyd | comfortable-looking armchair covered in obviously fake giraffe fur. He
Floyd | is wearing a jester's suit, including a ridiculous hat with bells on.
Floyd | He is staring at the pink cube.
Floyd | An armadillo-headed woman in a white toga sits next to him on a
Floyd | barstool made from green shimmering flames. She is reading a slim gray
Floyd | book called "Schrodinger's Goldfish: Confirmation of Negative Time".
Floyd | A cat-headed man sits next to her on a throne draped in black leather,
Floyd | with numerous spikes sticking out of it. He is tall, fat and dressed in
Floyd | a black leather jacket, black jeans and black leather boots.
Floyd |
Floyd | The goblin comes climbing down the ladder.
Floyd |
Floyd | There is a flickering image inside the cube. The flamingo-headed man
Floyd | giggles and says, "Some guy in Scotland just slid on a banana peel."
Floyd |
Floyd | [Your score has just gone up by three points.]
Floyd |

Floyd | >Enter saved game to store: Ok.
Floyd |