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For the truth about haggis in modern Scotland, I quote my friend Iain:
"But what is haggis, I mean, really?" you ask. "Is it as bad as I've heard?" Well, no and yes. No because, well, I thought it was extremely tasty (to my surprise, I assure you) and I would very much like to have another haggis someday. Yes, it's true that the ingredient list includes minced lungs, heart and "trimmings." This is mixed with finely chopped onions, oatmeal, and seasoning, and then cooked in a sheep's stomach. The vegetarian version, so far as I can tell, is much of the same, but with vegetarian mince standing in for the more unmentionable bits, wrapped in plastic (in either instance, I don't think anyone eats the casing). Almost equally as nummy, only just slightly less so. But I digress somewhat. It is Burns night. Burns is, perhaps, the most quintessentially Scottish poet the world has known. And supposedly there are people in Scotland tonight who will have the traditional Burns Night supper in honor of the man and his work. They will have haggis with neeps (mashed swede or turnip, extraordinarily yummy) and tatties (mashed potatoes, which are always at the top of my list for foods that I am okay with even if they are slowly killing me). The haggis will be carried from the kitchen with much pomp and circumstance and then, as the "chairman" at the high table ceremonially slices into the haggis so that all may experience its joy, the haggis is addressed in a formal manner:
After the traditional poem and the, um, carving of the haggis, there is much feasting and merriment, presumably accompanied/followed by very large quantities of whiskey. Ah, to be in Scotland - or to at least have access to a proper kitchen - on this night! And now, for the truly curious amongst you who have access to a proper kitchen, here is your recipe for haggis (courtesy of BBC):
My favorite bit of the recipe is: sew up the stomach with strong thread and prick a couple of times so it doesn't explode while cooking. Can you imagine the mess an exploding haggis would make in your oven? Crikey! But seriously, it's delightful and gives you that I-have-just-feasted-like-Henry-the-Eighth sort of feeling and if you have occasion to try it and are so inclined, I recommend it highly.
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Haggis-eating isn't nearly as common as people think; most Scottish families only eat haggis two or three times a week, and a growing minority don't even steal their own sheep. However, haggis rivalry is still a pretty big deal in rural areas, and the police tend to turn a blind eye to haggis blood feuds between the clans. For example, there's a traditional rite of passage whereby one will kill a man just to see him die, then pass it off as a haggis-related incident to fool the police. (In the cities, this quaint custom has been somewhat bastardised in recent years—it's now more common to kill a man for his Reeboks, then pass it off as an argument about football.)
